Minecraft: Prologue

Me and Mike have been playing the shit out of some Minecraft for the last few days and I am sure we will make a post about it if we can ever tear ourselves away from it. I've been too busy either diggin holes or building towers to pretty much do anything else let alone real life stuff.

Final Fantasy Thirteen: 4

Well it's been a week or so since i played this beauty. I thought my roomate had returned the game to blockbuster but when i turned on my xbox to play some Just Cause 2 i found to my delight that he had forgotten the game inside of my xbox.

So like a good friend I will tell him that it hasn't been returned and he is facing late charges at blockbuster.... After I Play it a few hours of course.

Well after about 6 hours of gameplay the paradigm element really comes into play. I have to switch off of all attack and get a healer to stop from dying in regular fights. I really enjoy how the game seems to be ramping up at a perfect pace.

Hmm I got my first gestalt skill its these to girls that slightly les out and turn into a motor bike. As bizzare as that sounds I do have to point out that the motor bike is mega rad looking. It's all that white plastic metal lookin stuff that they used in sci fi movies from the seventies. Like hyper detailed retro-futurism.

More importantly than all that Snow gets knocked out by a girl AGAIN. But it was a bad ass karate chop in the side of the face and if you know me you know that I love a good karate chop. Especially facial Karate chops.

Alright the game is slowing down on new stuff and either your already playing the game and discovering everything for yourself or your just a terrible person who reads posts about awesome video games and then doesn't play them. Shame on you.

Also there is an experience leveling system for your weapons. YOU LEVEL YOUR WEAPONS... ok I know I'll wait for you to come back with clean pants. This reminds me of Two Worlds because if you happen to find a weapon you really like you can just keep making it stronger instead of abandoning it with unlimited damage stacking. Once again Square I love you have my baby.

Final Fantasy Thirteen: 3

Well my bubble has finally popped. I got my first battle rating that was less than five stars. It occurred at 4:27 of game time. Which I am quite flabbergasted at the length of time I was battling so well. They say no-one is perfect but apparently I was... well for 4 hours and 27 minutes that is.

In other news I am falling in love with this game more and more every time I play it. I just took the time to master the paradigm battle mechanic and developed 6 different strategies for my team to battle under... Still really haven't used any other one that "Relentless Assault" which is were your leader attacks an enemy and your two lackeys focus on the same guy. Apparently this can be pretty effect ie that 4:27 minutes of perfection I mentioned before. Although I did switch to a defensive strategy for a boss. It was quite neat one character heals and one defends the other two while your main character attacks.

Also in riveting news developments I am over the fact that the playable character is a girl. Seeing her dominate the thug character has upped her toughness. She is the perfect amount bitch and stoic loner. The only problem is I'm probably going to have to sit through that bullshit character development angle where they show the tough character softening. Well it can't be any worse than the way that stripper witch handled it with the child and her repressed memories in Bayonetta. Final Fantasy has finally given us a strong heroic girl character I can root for without feeling like a 15 year old boy with a hard on. Super bonus theres no vanilla soft spoken love interest like all the others. I always saw myself going for the outspoken loud girls in the party.

If my reassurance can alleviate your pain then here goes. You have all probably read how the tutorials in this game last to about the 20 hour mark. It's ok. It's not annoying in fact those geniuses figured out a way to stretch the learning process out perfectly. You still get to fight enemies and progress through the story but they don't overload you. It's done so well that you never feel like your missing something or there isn't enough for to keep you mentally into the game.

By the way Final Fantasy 13 is awesome. Game of the year awesome.

Transformers is Incredible

While playing the campaign mode in Transformers: War for Cybertron, in the middle of a frantic firefight with air and ground forces, I saw a ramp nearby, transformed into a car and leaped off the ramp and melee-killed a flying enemy who'd been laying fire down on us.

I TURNED INTO A CAR AND LEAPED OFF A LEDGE TO MELEE KILL A FLYING ENEMY.

This game rules.

Final Fantasy Thirteen: 2

Ok I was going to wait until I was done playing before I started to write my next post. Upon re-reading the first post I realized that while I'm playing if I write while the game is paused I rush it and it appears to have been written by a thirteen year old.

I actually made it about 20 minutes of not posting while playing but then I noticed something that I could not avoid.

Where the fuck does that rad wolf design on the back of Snow's bitchin leather jacket go. I mean I'm fighting shit and punching those panternonz right in dem grill pieces and I look like a bonafied bad ass mother fucker. Then the battle ends and it's back to drabsville plain trenchcoat and thug toque. Ho hum. I would just be way more ok with running around this technological maze if I could stare at the bitchin visage.

I just realized the most amazing thing. It wasn't a wolf it was a bear. It doesn't stop there. So the bitchin visage I was lamenting on before appears in battle only because it's an INDICATION OF WHAT WEAPON YOU HAVE EQUIPPED! Well met and might I say well played Square you've won yourself a squire to trumpet your glorious wonders to the masses. That squire is me.

I played for a good chunk just sucking in the greatness of the game. I would continue to try to sell you on this game but if your not already a fan of Final Fantasy games your crazy.

The leveling up system is a bit easier than I would have thought it would be. Were you can assign skills to certain battle roles and boost stats that go across all the roles. To try clear things up the battle system is somewhat hybrid of Ten 2 and Twelve which is awkwardly poetic and confusing but amazing. You can switch party roles on the fly kind of like a group dress sphere and you can say what the party memebers will do in these previously set up group paradigms. Confusing yes. But I promise theres boners for you if you play.

Final Fantasy Thirteen: 1

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Transformers: War for Cybertron demo

The demo for Transformers: War for Cybertron just came out for the 360 and needless to say I downloaded it immediately. It's multiplayer only which is alright. Of the four classes that will be available in the full game, the demo contains only the Scout and Tank classes (the other two are Scientist, which are the planes, and ...Support? which are like heavy cargo trucks.)

It's incredible. This is the Transformers game I have been waiting for all my life.

The fighting is fast, frantic and awesome, giant lasers and robot shotguns and electro-swords flying around everywhere. There are unlockable perks and weapons, an experience system, customizable skins/colors/models etc.

But most importantly the transforming between vehicle and robot mode is smooth and awesome. It doesn't feel artificial or awkward, it feels NATURAl - you feel like a Transformer. One game as a scout I annihilated an opponent with a charged-up plasma shot, stealthed and ran up behind another player and ambushed with a lethal energy sword attack, then turned into car mode and sped out a nearby window to escape their approaching angry friends. I guess it's hard to convey how fast and AMAZING it feels.

The multiplayer is fun, but I'm not sure how much I'll actually play it later, especially since the campaign is 3(!)-person co-op. But it's been great messing around in the demo and getting used to the controls and just reveling in the fact that I'm playing a Transformers game that doesn't suck.

I can't wait till the actual game - AND STARSCREAM - is out.

Deadspace: 1

So I am trying dead space. Guess I am a little bit late to the party and no-one really is expecting anything new on the game since its been out over a year. But if I were to stop writing when it's painfully obvious no one was interested what kind of blogger would I be.

My first impression of the game is that I am going to loose out because I am playing through a monitor and have no sound... Which I have heard is pretty good for the game. It's a good thing my Itunes is fully stocked with creepy space video game music so I'll let Jack Wall and Sam Hulick take care of me with the score for Mass Effect one. Which is pretty much the best soundtrack to any video game ever. Like ever ever. Plus their both about space and killing creepy things so it should fit.

My second thought is what the fuck is with this shitty camera. This game might turn me into one of those little bitches that cries about 3d games giving them motion sickness. How have I never heard about this. In an industry rampant with reviewers ready to garbage an entire game because of the camera why did this get left out. I better get used to this or this whole floating laggy camera soon.

I like how the objective pointer (click right stick) looks like your character is thrusting and pointing as his crotch. This game gains back some points lost from the camera.

Wow this game is scary. I happened upon a dead fellow who looks like he wrote "Cut off their Limbs" in his own blood. Thats awesome. This game has a very 'Even Horizon' Feel to it. Which is a very major plus because it is one of my favorite movies. If my hypothesis is correct and this game is sort of an unofficial version of that movie like Dead Rising was unofficially dawn of the dead I will be very pleased. Almost pleased enough to forget about the camera. Since the dead guy was creeping my out I figured I would see if i could at least knock him over so he wasn't propped up all scarily. I found out that the already dead bodies are like stretch armstrong rag dolls but they only stretch a bit and then they break. I promptly stomped the first body into pieces. There is actually a stomp button. AMAZING. After unsuccessfully trying to stomp the rolly polly head of the body in what turned in to a bloody abbot and costello routine I moved on.

Turns out it's a good thing i had all that stomping practice because the first enemy didn't die when I shot it. I just blew its legs off and then had to kill it the old fashioned way. I am a bit leery that all the enemies will take a lot of punishment to kill.

Hey is the captain the guy who played Candyman in the movies... that's a little creepy.

I was wondering why I seemed to be picking up a lot of health packs. Aparently if one enemy grabs you it takes off all four of your health bars and then each pack only heals one... greeeeaaaat. I am now going to save frequently.

You press a to interact with an object it is NOT what your looking at but what your standing close too. Thanks EA. Thanks a lot.

The mele fighting in this game is rediculous. You aparently have one attack and that is a giant slow arm fully extended flail spazz swing. There goes me conserving bullets now if only there was a way to get EA to play Condemned 2: Blood Origins and just copy that mele mechanic well then I would be very pleased.

So I just picked up something called the stasis Modulator. Aparently in the future we will get freeze spells. It's ok I can't really see them over using this mechanic through out the game O_O.

Good news everyone in the future our toilettes will look like F-15 cock pit chairs.

While fighting space zombies please keep in mind that body and head shots don't kill the enemy and instead aim for the legs. How does that make sense. Is this the only game in history that isn't going to reward my head shot expertise. Well I guess me practicing all those testicle shots in FPS games will finally come in handy.

I heard in the Wii version the main guy does samus and you have sexy space babies.

I just died for the first time. Hot tip if you are mele attacking (right trigger) and go to shoot (Left + Right Trigger) there is no smooth transaction. YOU WILL KEEP MELE ATTACKING. You have to allow a break in between.

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to aim for the legs because they are cunty to actually hit and the designers of this game hate you.

People have raved about this game because there is no on screen display. Your life bar goes down your back like an external electric spine and your stasis module is a little circle on your shoulder blade. You can easily see what your amo is if you hold up your gun and look at the back of it. Thats shitty. This is going to slow down gameplay for me and if theres one way I like my space horror its footloose and fancy free.

This might be nit picky but the already dead guys littering the ship are all the same. Unless of course the thousand man crew aboard this space ship was entirely made up of clones....

Good news you can upgrade your ONE weapon in the game by going to benches and spending power node points to connect dots with status bonuses. All the goodness of FF10 with out the dull brainache of knowing your main character is going to hook up with the boring chick in the group.

The videos communication with the NPC's is pretty cool in this game because IT'S A FLOATING HOLOGRAPHIC SCREEN INFRONT OF YOUR CHARACTER THAT YOU CAN'T TURN OFF OR MOVE OUT OF RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR WAY WHEN BAD GUYS ATTACK YOU WITHOUT BEING SEEN BECAUSE YOUR WATCHING THE BIG STUPID FACE OF THAT GUY WHO WAS IN CANDY MAN AND SOME BITCH WITH A PONYTAIL.

Do all girls in space wear pony tails... don't they want to be sexy anymore.

Wonderful news I'm used to the camera it only took two hours but I can finally play the game without vomiting.

I understand that in a game with limited space like a space ship there will be some back tracking but can I at least come back to find the body I meticulous stomped to pieces just the way I left it instead of propped up and put back together... Unless another clone snuck in here and died and left a message in his blood... This game is creepy and sneeky.

If you shoot the bad guys directly in the dick it blows both their legs off. It's really satisfying to finally play a game that rewards my immaturity.

This game is about a distopian future how else would you explain the square toilette seats. Don't worry I'm sure as I get sucked in and more involved with this game I will find less time to make snyde on liner comments...

I just upgraded my suit to a level two now it looks even more like someone glued random shit from a hardware store to a leather jumpsuit.

I have two movement speeds awkward jog and lurk.

Neet I just finished chapter one.

I am rewarded at the beginning of Chapter 2 with more space magic. I now have Kinesis I can move shit... with my miiiiiiiind. I repay the fellow with the gouged out eyes for his gift by stomping him literally into pieces. I'm such a space gentleman. Don't worry as a convenient plot device he died from his injuries directly after giving me my present. Oh wait theres a ponytail on the rolly polly head. It was a girl. I feel terrible. We could have had space makeouts. Stomping on these body bags will alleviate my guilt.

Hot damn I just got a flamethrower. This game just got a whole lot awesomer.

Oh you can light yourself on fire. I'm on a ship where the hallways aren't even big enough to swing a cat or flail your gun about and I just wasted all my money a flame thrower.

Even better is the flame thrower barely hurts space zombies. I just have to resort to using my 1950's canister vacuum inspired assault rifle and pump fifty bullets into each zombie.

The plot thickens apparently theres a future space church and they wanted to get some marker thing off the planet that was being drilled. Going to go out on a limb but i bet an extremest of this religion makes things worse for humanity.

Thats it for episode one of dale's super intelligent dead space banter stay tuned for more. (If i actually play it again)

Give Dark Void a chance

I promise Dark Void will make your life better. I'm a bit late coming to the table on this one and I have absolutely no excuse good enough to explain that.

I played the demo so I knew I would like. The fact that the team behind Crimson Skies mad the game was a good hint it was going to be great as well. After all Crimson Skies is the greatest action flyer I've ever played.

I was actually lamenting that I hadn't seen any successor to the X-Box gem but after I played the demo for Dark Void I knew my prayers had been answered. And don't worry they made up for the waiting with tonnes of features. Not only is there awesome flying but there is a great 3rd person shooting aspect to the game with a new inventive cover vertical cover mechanic to go along with your fancy jet machine gun equipped jet pack.

The combination of flying and shooter is meshed so well that fun level is practically through the roof. I put the game in to see what it was like with no real intentions of delving in too deeply yet. That was five and a half hours ago and I'm not stopping yet--well other than to urge you to play this fine fine game.

Coming out of the not gay closet

No i am not coming out of the closet as a homo sexual i tried that as an April fools joke a few years ago and no-one bought it because of my rampant oozing of hetero coupling.

No this time I am coming out of the Wow closet. Yep i started playing wow again.... Which is kind of depressing since i won't be playing a wide assortment of games for a while with most of my attention set on wow. Sorry Battle field 2, sorry just cause 2, sorry burnout paradise i'll be ignoring you all for awhile.

By the way if anyone wants to make wild crazy baby rabbits me and my companion rabbit are collecting easter eggs in Kharanos. Yep i'm even doing seasonal events I am beyond hope haha.

Just cause 2 is amazing

I watched my room mate play the demo for just cause 2 for about a minute before i decided i would by the game. He latched onto a guy with his grappling hook then a canister of air and the guy went flying. Then he latched onto a car and reeled himself onto it and rode on the hood then the bumper while shooting the guys in the car. Oh and if your still not running full speed directly towards wal-mart where this gameis on an amazing two day sale for 39.99 theres a re-deployable parachute! If your still not convinced your a terrible derelict of a person and don't deserve to play video games because you have no right to have fun.

I've been playing this game for about an hour and have already decided that it's going to suck up many many of my daylight hours and i will be ecstatic for everyone of them. The best thing I've done so far is I grappled a statue to my hummer hopped in my hummer and pulled the statue down. I then grappled a guy and pulled him around the street through the rubble until he stopped squirming. After that I grappled the head of the statue to my hummer and pulled it around the streets smashing trees fences plants and other cars without discrimination it's been truly glorious.

Oh and the game gives you in game monetary awards for blowing shit up. Now try to push that boner down back into your pants and go buy this already. You don't want to sit around while i'm having more fun that you do you? DO YOU?

I know a patience trier and though art EA

I know the focus groups at EA regarding Battlefield Bad Company 2 have probably been called off for a while now but I can't help hoping they hear my plea of complete despair.

I know EA is in touch with their audience and that is why they keep releasing rad awesome games. If the company is so in touch how could they make the over sight of turning off their servers at midnight on a Friday night. I just went bonkers. How could they do this to me.

I know it wasn't really some sort of passive aggressive attack on my personal happiness and over all mental stability but then why does it sting so much. Midnight on a Friday night seems like the optimal time to go get owned by someone 12 years younger than me. I could have just lied and told you i owned people but in fact the truth is i still constantly get power owned maybe even turbo owned but that doesn't bother me i still like the game.

Maybe I should be out undertaking irresponsible activities like drinking in da club or trying to have un-protected sex. Yes only trying. Is that what you want EA, really. Should i shuck better judgment and go out into the night since you won't have me. Should I shuck my better judgement and have a sort of life since my man cave is stark and empty without your loving online embrace.

You get what you pay for ps3 owners

Recently PSN online wasn't allowing users to get on to their online profiles to play games

http://gizmodo.com/5482365/error-8001050f-takes-down-playstation-network

A community leader said they hope to have the problem fixed in the next 24 hours. In the meantime just don't turn on your Playstation fat.

http://gizmodo.com/5482914/sony-warning-dont-turn-on-your-fat-ps3-if-you-have-error-8001050f

In further bad news to owners of the most awesomest best ever radical hyper space age fucky dudeness console is your online service might be pay to play soon.

http://gizmodo.com/5482914/sony-warning-dont-turn-on-your-fat-ps3-if-you-have-error-8001050f

Don't worry they will at least have to fix it before they can charge you. In other news x-box fan boys see a 95% raise in wringing hands and meniacle laughter. The mantra muttered by x-box fanboys "you get what you pay for" in response to the constant insult of "free online service" from PS fanboys just got a lot tastier.

Too many Calories in Mass Effect how about the new lighter version.

So I finished Mass Effect 2 and I do not stand corrected on my previous post. Although the game is fun and has smooth game-play it didn't feel like the sequel to mass effect. It didn't even feel like an RPG which apparently it might have never intended to be.

The reason I fell so in love with the idea of mass effect was because it was an RPG that you shoot people and rip around space. It was a beautiful system: you explore nebulas and planets, you collect glorious prizes and you kill shit. Mass Effect 2 is pretty much a diet version of the first one.

You don't explore you head where your told. The levels consist of you travelling from one kill room into a hall way and into another kill room rinse repeat. Really the game's action sequence is a glorified target shoot. There's no epic planet side expedition that takes you hours to work through like the first one. Sure it was annoying to pop around the corner in your six wheeled awesomeness to be lit up by a colossus but it felt good you felt like you earned it. In the sequel you fight ONE colossus and YOU don't even kill it some other dude does while you run around distracting it.

You don't collect. Well at least not that much. There is no rain of different types of weapons provided by different companies throughout the galaxy that you could further customize with a slot system. I completed the game with only ever touching 3 different Assault rifles. What the hell is that? I even played through almost ever level. I recruited everyone and did all the loyalty levels... well except Jacob but by the end of the others without getting any rewards I just wanted to finish the game. I was constantly looking for more weapons and armour pieces I thought that if I played all the levels and got the loyalty then I would be rewarded but I wasn't. Scratch that I got model ships and some fish that died these don't replace guns. I want guns, I need more guns. HOW AM I GOING TO SAVE HUMANITY WITH 3 ASSAULT RIFLES. The reapers are laughing at you Sheppard right in your stupid ill equipped face.

Side Note I do have to give credit where credit is due the Space hamster is awesome I named him Schteeve. Also hot pink armour who could pass that up.

You kill but it's not satisfying. Remember the first game where you were basically Dirty Hairy kicking ass and taking names. Breaking in doors and killing Slave Traders fucking frontier justice. It was enough to get even the meekest nerd hootin' and hollering. Well now you hide behind a crate and pop out. Oh and if the enemy is a tough boss that blows up the crate you stood behind.... well you move over to the other crate. Don't worry about missing items in the corner IT'S ALL MED PACKS AND AMMO.

I wanted to love this game. I loved Mass Effect so much it had won me over it was almost the perfect game. But Bio-Ware bulked and made mass Effect 2 a gutted smoothed over version. There isn't even vehicles in it. How does that make sense. That was one of the greatest parts about the first game. I am sad that this game turned out to be a disappointment for me. I wish I could say good things about it. I mean the game is pretty good it's just not Mass Effect good.

What the hell happened to my Mass Effect - Early impressions

Feelings of anger and confusion.

Don't fix something that ain't broke. It's a tired old cliche saying that everyone agrees might be used too much. Well apparently it needs to be used a couple more times because it's like Bio-Ware never heard this before.

There was a general industry wide bitching about the graphics and the controls of the shooting elements in the first game. This was a bit broken and it would make sense for Bio-Ware to fix this to make the game even better and more enjoyable. What doesn't make sense is to strip the game of the deep RPG aspects and aim at a more 'action' experience.

Dear Bio-Ware please look at other successful titles out on the X-Box 360. They all have one thing in common. RPG elements win. With the surprise success (not to me) of Borderlands it is even more of a glaring mistake to take out the gear whoring aspects of the game.

And the skill developement *weep* 6 upgradable elements aren't nearly enough. What happened to gun proficiency? What happened to unlocking gun skills? Powers? Combat Training? Now I have to make a decision between do I want better attack power with more health and increased defenses or do I want better team healing? How is this even a debate thats a complete no brainer. Your causing yourself a great deal of strife if you don't improve in the best three ways possible at once. Couldn't you at least split those first three up so I can trick myself into thinking I am developing a character on a path I want.

Now for the hug in this rant. I can't say love enough times to make my statement powerful enough to express my feelings towards the inclusion of outfit customization. Any time someone suggests to add customized visuals to a game that guy gets a fucking raise. Without that guy I can't run around with my handlebar mustache and hot pink space suit. Duke Sheppard you really are a fetching fellow.

Over all I like the game. I like it through a furrowed brow and a butthurt anger that seethes every time I have to "level up" from experience I didn't earn.

I realize I am still very early in the game and have a fully prepared face diaper because there better be something here to make me shit my mind.

Bayonetta is fucking stupid

This game is to video games what Showgirls is to movies. It's terrible. It's worse than BMX XXX. But the absolute worst part about this game is that if it didn't have the preteen porn it would be amazing.

I'm sorry I can't look past the imbecilic T'n'A factor of this game. Yes the combo system is awesome. Yes the story is above average. Finally yes I do feel bad inside for playing this game.

The only reason I am playing it is because blockbuster ran out of copies of Darksiders. Also if I play on mute and skip every single dog shit cut scene I think I might be able to power through it and somehow squeeze ten dollars worth of game playing out of it.

I currently pretend I am playing another installment of Devil May Cry after all it is the same director (Hideki Kamiya) as the first Devil May Cry game. It's not that hard to visualize because the game goes so far as to have the same menu tones as devil may cry and the same combat system--which for the record is one of my favorites to date.

I am baffled that this game is getting Perfect scores all over the map. The cut screen graphics are abysmal and although the enemy design is good you end up fighting about a thousand of the same pion before you end up fighting a different one. That's the guy with the blue smock. But the cherub faced mini-bosses are a good fresh look on enemies.

The good guy character design is absolute garbage. First of all the main character Bayonetta looks like Lulu from FFX mixed with sailor moon and then jerked off all over by some 13 year old basement dweller. Then theres your two main npc companions who look like a fat Joe Pesci wearing a bowler hat and a rain slicker and Blade if he wore a suede over coat that was three sizes too small. A hint for the team in the future is how bout instead of spending an embarrassing amount of time on Bayonetta's ass you make a shop keeper who isn't a ten minute throwaway ten minute place holder.

Usually I am a fan of camp and enjoy some ridiculousness in all my entertainment. When it's thinly veiled pornography dressed up as slapstick it doesn't pass. I didn't like when Sindel hit shit with her hair and my opinion hasn't really changed since. Especially when the girls outfit is made of her magical hair that apparently looks like a PVC suit and she gets more naked the bigger her combos get.

As a gamer I have always defended playing games and insisting that it's not a mark of immaturity and games aren't built just for little boys with smelly hard-ons who can't bring themselves to talk to women in real life. Not anymore. It looks like I am going to hide this game cover for the short while it's in my possession.

Of course I have to admit that some people aren't going to have a problem with this game and that they don't see anything wrong with it but at the same time I have to admit that some people don't see anything wrong with furries and having sex dressed up as mascots.

Wanna touch me?