Final Fantasy Thirteen: 3

Well my bubble has finally popped. I got my first battle rating that was less than five stars. It occurred at 4:27 of game time. Which I am quite flabbergasted at the length of time I was battling so well. They say no-one is perfect but apparently I was... well for 4 hours and 27 minutes that is.

In other news I am falling in love with this game more and more every time I play it. I just took the time to master the paradigm battle mechanic and developed 6 different strategies for my team to battle under... Still really haven't used any other one that "Relentless Assault" which is were your leader attacks an enemy and your two lackeys focus on the same guy. Apparently this can be pretty effect ie that 4:27 minutes of perfection I mentioned before. Although I did switch to a defensive strategy for a boss. It was quite neat one character heals and one defends the other two while your main character attacks.

Also in riveting news developments I am over the fact that the playable character is a girl. Seeing her dominate the thug character has upped her toughness. She is the perfect amount bitch and stoic loner. The only problem is I'm probably going to have to sit through that bullshit character development angle where they show the tough character softening. Well it can't be any worse than the way that stripper witch handled it with the child and her repressed memories in Bayonetta. Final Fantasy has finally given us a strong heroic girl character I can root for without feeling like a 15 year old boy with a hard on. Super bonus theres no vanilla soft spoken love interest like all the others. I always saw myself going for the outspoken loud girls in the party.

If my reassurance can alleviate your pain then here goes. You have all probably read how the tutorials in this game last to about the 20 hour mark. It's ok. It's not annoying in fact those geniuses figured out a way to stretch the learning process out perfectly. You still get to fight enemies and progress through the story but they don't overload you. It's done so well that you never feel like your missing something or there isn't enough for to keep you mentally into the game.

By the way Final Fantasy 13 is awesome. Game of the year awesome.

Transformers is Incredible

While playing the campaign mode in Transformers: War for Cybertron, in the middle of a frantic firefight with air and ground forces, I saw a ramp nearby, transformed into a car and leaped off the ramp and melee-killed a flying enemy who'd been laying fire down on us.

I TURNED INTO A CAR AND LEAPED OFF A LEDGE TO MELEE KILL A FLYING ENEMY.

This game rules.

Final Fantasy Thirteen: 2

Ok I was going to wait until I was done playing before I started to write my next post. Upon re-reading the first post I realized that while I'm playing if I write while the game is paused I rush it and it appears to have been written by a thirteen year old.

I actually made it about 20 minutes of not posting while playing but then I noticed something that I could not avoid.

Where the fuck does that rad wolf design on the back of Snow's bitchin leather jacket go. I mean I'm fighting shit and punching those panternonz right in dem grill pieces and I look like a bonafied bad ass mother fucker. Then the battle ends and it's back to drabsville plain trenchcoat and thug toque. Ho hum. I would just be way more ok with running around this technological maze if I could stare at the bitchin visage.

I just realized the most amazing thing. It wasn't a wolf it was a bear. It doesn't stop there. So the bitchin visage I was lamenting on before appears in battle only because it's an INDICATION OF WHAT WEAPON YOU HAVE EQUIPPED! Well met and might I say well played Square you've won yourself a squire to trumpet your glorious wonders to the masses. That squire is me.

I played for a good chunk just sucking in the greatness of the game. I would continue to try to sell you on this game but if your not already a fan of Final Fantasy games your crazy.

The leveling up system is a bit easier than I would have thought it would be. Were you can assign skills to certain battle roles and boost stats that go across all the roles. To try clear things up the battle system is somewhat hybrid of Ten 2 and Twelve which is awkwardly poetic and confusing but amazing. You can switch party roles on the fly kind of like a group dress sphere and you can say what the party memebers will do in these previously set up group paradigms. Confusing yes. But I promise theres boners for you if you play.

Final Fantasy Thirteen: 1

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Transformers: War for Cybertron demo

The demo for Transformers: War for Cybertron just came out for the 360 and needless to say I downloaded it immediately. It's multiplayer only which is alright. Of the four classes that will be available in the full game, the demo contains only the Scout and Tank classes (the other two are Scientist, which are the planes, and ...Support? which are like heavy cargo trucks.)

It's incredible. This is the Transformers game I have been waiting for all my life.

The fighting is fast, frantic and awesome, giant lasers and robot shotguns and electro-swords flying around everywhere. There are unlockable perks and weapons, an experience system, customizable skins/colors/models etc.

But most importantly the transforming between vehicle and robot mode is smooth and awesome. It doesn't feel artificial or awkward, it feels NATURAl - you feel like a Transformer. One game as a scout I annihilated an opponent with a charged-up plasma shot, stealthed and ran up behind another player and ambushed with a lethal energy sword attack, then turned into car mode and sped out a nearby window to escape their approaching angry friends. I guess it's hard to convey how fast and AMAZING it feels.

The multiplayer is fun, but I'm not sure how much I'll actually play it later, especially since the campaign is 3(!)-person co-op. But it's been great messing around in the demo and getting used to the controls and just reveling in the fact that I'm playing a Transformers game that doesn't suck.

I can't wait till the actual game - AND STARSCREAM - is out.

Deadspace: 1

So I am trying dead space. Guess I am a little bit late to the party and no-one really is expecting anything new on the game since its been out over a year. But if I were to stop writing when it's painfully obvious no one was interested what kind of blogger would I be.

My first impression of the game is that I am going to loose out because I am playing through a monitor and have no sound... Which I have heard is pretty good for the game. It's a good thing my Itunes is fully stocked with creepy space video game music so I'll let Jack Wall and Sam Hulick take care of me with the score for Mass Effect one. Which is pretty much the best soundtrack to any video game ever. Like ever ever. Plus their both about space and killing creepy things so it should fit.

My second thought is what the fuck is with this shitty camera. This game might turn me into one of those little bitches that cries about 3d games giving them motion sickness. How have I never heard about this. In an industry rampant with reviewers ready to garbage an entire game because of the camera why did this get left out. I better get used to this or this whole floating laggy camera soon.

I like how the objective pointer (click right stick) looks like your character is thrusting and pointing as his crotch. This game gains back some points lost from the camera.

Wow this game is scary. I happened upon a dead fellow who looks like he wrote "Cut off their Limbs" in his own blood. Thats awesome. This game has a very 'Even Horizon' Feel to it. Which is a very major plus because it is one of my favorite movies. If my hypothesis is correct and this game is sort of an unofficial version of that movie like Dead Rising was unofficially dawn of the dead I will be very pleased. Almost pleased enough to forget about the camera. Since the dead guy was creeping my out I figured I would see if i could at least knock him over so he wasn't propped up all scarily. I found out that the already dead bodies are like stretch armstrong rag dolls but they only stretch a bit and then they break. I promptly stomped the first body into pieces. There is actually a stomp button. AMAZING. After unsuccessfully trying to stomp the rolly polly head of the body in what turned in to a bloody abbot and costello routine I moved on.

Turns out it's a good thing i had all that stomping practice because the first enemy didn't die when I shot it. I just blew its legs off and then had to kill it the old fashioned way. I am a bit leery that all the enemies will take a lot of punishment to kill.

Hey is the captain the guy who played Candyman in the movies... that's a little creepy.

I was wondering why I seemed to be picking up a lot of health packs. Aparently if one enemy grabs you it takes off all four of your health bars and then each pack only heals one... greeeeaaaat. I am now going to save frequently.

You press a to interact with an object it is NOT what your looking at but what your standing close too. Thanks EA. Thanks a lot.

The mele fighting in this game is rediculous. You aparently have one attack and that is a giant slow arm fully extended flail spazz swing. There goes me conserving bullets now if only there was a way to get EA to play Condemned 2: Blood Origins and just copy that mele mechanic well then I would be very pleased.

So I just picked up something called the stasis Modulator. Aparently in the future we will get freeze spells. It's ok I can't really see them over using this mechanic through out the game O_O.

Good news everyone in the future our toilettes will look like F-15 cock pit chairs.

While fighting space zombies please keep in mind that body and head shots don't kill the enemy and instead aim for the legs. How does that make sense. Is this the only game in history that isn't going to reward my head shot expertise. Well I guess me practicing all those testicle shots in FPS games will finally come in handy.

I heard in the Wii version the main guy does samus and you have sexy space babies.

I just died for the first time. Hot tip if you are mele attacking (right trigger) and go to shoot (Left + Right Trigger) there is no smooth transaction. YOU WILL KEEP MELE ATTACKING. You have to allow a break in between.

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to aim for the legs because they are cunty to actually hit and the designers of this game hate you.

People have raved about this game because there is no on screen display. Your life bar goes down your back like an external electric spine and your stasis module is a little circle on your shoulder blade. You can easily see what your amo is if you hold up your gun and look at the back of it. Thats shitty. This is going to slow down gameplay for me and if theres one way I like my space horror its footloose and fancy free.

This might be nit picky but the already dead guys littering the ship are all the same. Unless of course the thousand man crew aboard this space ship was entirely made up of clones....

Good news you can upgrade your ONE weapon in the game by going to benches and spending power node points to connect dots with status bonuses. All the goodness of FF10 with out the dull brainache of knowing your main character is going to hook up with the boring chick in the group.

The videos communication with the NPC's is pretty cool in this game because IT'S A FLOATING HOLOGRAPHIC SCREEN INFRONT OF YOUR CHARACTER THAT YOU CAN'T TURN OFF OR MOVE OUT OF RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR WAY WHEN BAD GUYS ATTACK YOU WITHOUT BEING SEEN BECAUSE YOUR WATCHING THE BIG STUPID FACE OF THAT GUY WHO WAS IN CANDY MAN AND SOME BITCH WITH A PONYTAIL.

Do all girls in space wear pony tails... don't they want to be sexy anymore.

Wonderful news I'm used to the camera it only took two hours but I can finally play the game without vomiting.

I understand that in a game with limited space like a space ship there will be some back tracking but can I at least come back to find the body I meticulous stomped to pieces just the way I left it instead of propped up and put back together... Unless another clone snuck in here and died and left a message in his blood... This game is creepy and sneeky.

If you shoot the bad guys directly in the dick it blows both their legs off. It's really satisfying to finally play a game that rewards my immaturity.

This game is about a distopian future how else would you explain the square toilette seats. Don't worry I'm sure as I get sucked in and more involved with this game I will find less time to make snyde on liner comments...

I just upgraded my suit to a level two now it looks even more like someone glued random shit from a hardware store to a leather jumpsuit.

I have two movement speeds awkward jog and lurk.

Neet I just finished chapter one.

I am rewarded at the beginning of Chapter 2 with more space magic. I now have Kinesis I can move shit... with my miiiiiiiind. I repay the fellow with the gouged out eyes for his gift by stomping him literally into pieces. I'm such a space gentleman. Don't worry as a convenient plot device he died from his injuries directly after giving me my present. Oh wait theres a ponytail on the rolly polly head. It was a girl. I feel terrible. We could have had space makeouts. Stomping on these body bags will alleviate my guilt.

Hot damn I just got a flamethrower. This game just got a whole lot awesomer.

Oh you can light yourself on fire. I'm on a ship where the hallways aren't even big enough to swing a cat or flail your gun about and I just wasted all my money a flame thrower.

Even better is the flame thrower barely hurts space zombies. I just have to resort to using my 1950's canister vacuum inspired assault rifle and pump fifty bullets into each zombie.

The plot thickens apparently theres a future space church and they wanted to get some marker thing off the planet that was being drilled. Going to go out on a limb but i bet an extremest of this religion makes things worse for humanity.

Thats it for episode one of dale's super intelligent dead space banter stay tuned for more. (If i actually play it again)