Deadspace: 1

So I am trying dead space. Guess I am a little bit late to the party and no-one really is expecting anything new on the game since its been out over a year. But if I were to stop writing when it's painfully obvious no one was interested what kind of blogger would I be.

My first impression of the game is that I am going to loose out because I am playing through a monitor and have no sound... Which I have heard is pretty good for the game. It's a good thing my Itunes is fully stocked with creepy space video game music so I'll let Jack Wall and Sam Hulick take care of me with the score for Mass Effect one. Which is pretty much the best soundtrack to any video game ever. Like ever ever. Plus their both about space and killing creepy things so it should fit.

My second thought is what the fuck is with this shitty camera. This game might turn me into one of those little bitches that cries about 3d games giving them motion sickness. How have I never heard about this. In an industry rampant with reviewers ready to garbage an entire game because of the camera why did this get left out. I better get used to this or this whole floating laggy camera soon.

I like how the objective pointer (click right stick) looks like your character is thrusting and pointing as his crotch. This game gains back some points lost from the camera.

Wow this game is scary. I happened upon a dead fellow who looks like he wrote "Cut off their Limbs" in his own blood. Thats awesome. This game has a very 'Even Horizon' Feel to it. Which is a very major plus because it is one of my favorite movies. If my hypothesis is correct and this game is sort of an unofficial version of that movie like Dead Rising was unofficially dawn of the dead I will be very pleased. Almost pleased enough to forget about the camera. Since the dead guy was creeping my out I figured I would see if i could at least knock him over so he wasn't propped up all scarily. I found out that the already dead bodies are like stretch armstrong rag dolls but they only stretch a bit and then they break. I promptly stomped the first body into pieces. There is actually a stomp button. AMAZING. After unsuccessfully trying to stomp the rolly polly head of the body in what turned in to a bloody abbot and costello routine I moved on.

Turns out it's a good thing i had all that stomping practice because the first enemy didn't die when I shot it. I just blew its legs off and then had to kill it the old fashioned way. I am a bit leery that all the enemies will take a lot of punishment to kill.

Hey is the captain the guy who played Candyman in the movies... that's a little creepy.

I was wondering why I seemed to be picking up a lot of health packs. Aparently if one enemy grabs you it takes off all four of your health bars and then each pack only heals one... greeeeaaaat. I am now going to save frequently.

You press a to interact with an object it is NOT what your looking at but what your standing close too. Thanks EA. Thanks a lot.

The mele fighting in this game is rediculous. You aparently have one attack and that is a giant slow arm fully extended flail spazz swing. There goes me conserving bullets now if only there was a way to get EA to play Condemned 2: Blood Origins and just copy that mele mechanic well then I would be very pleased.

So I just picked up something called the stasis Modulator. Aparently in the future we will get freeze spells. It's ok I can't really see them over using this mechanic through out the game O_O.

Good news everyone in the future our toilettes will look like F-15 cock pit chairs.

While fighting space zombies please keep in mind that body and head shots don't kill the enemy and instead aim for the legs. How does that make sense. Is this the only game in history that isn't going to reward my head shot expertise. Well I guess me practicing all those testicle shots in FPS games will finally come in handy.

I heard in the Wii version the main guy does samus and you have sexy space babies.

I just died for the first time. Hot tip if you are mele attacking (right trigger) and go to shoot (Left + Right Trigger) there is no smooth transaction. YOU WILL KEEP MELE ATTACKING. You have to allow a break in between.

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to aim for the legs because they are cunty to actually hit and the designers of this game hate you.

People have raved about this game because there is no on screen display. Your life bar goes down your back like an external electric spine and your stasis module is a little circle on your shoulder blade. You can easily see what your amo is if you hold up your gun and look at the back of it. Thats shitty. This is going to slow down gameplay for me and if theres one way I like my space horror its footloose and fancy free.

This might be nit picky but the already dead guys littering the ship are all the same. Unless of course the thousand man crew aboard this space ship was entirely made up of clones....

Good news you can upgrade your ONE weapon in the game by going to benches and spending power node points to connect dots with status bonuses. All the goodness of FF10 with out the dull brainache of knowing your main character is going to hook up with the boring chick in the group.

The videos communication with the NPC's is pretty cool in this game because IT'S A FLOATING HOLOGRAPHIC SCREEN INFRONT OF YOUR CHARACTER THAT YOU CAN'T TURN OFF OR MOVE OUT OF RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR WAY WHEN BAD GUYS ATTACK YOU WITHOUT BEING SEEN BECAUSE YOUR WATCHING THE BIG STUPID FACE OF THAT GUY WHO WAS IN CANDY MAN AND SOME BITCH WITH A PONYTAIL.

Do all girls in space wear pony tails... don't they want to be sexy anymore.

Wonderful news I'm used to the camera it only took two hours but I can finally play the game without vomiting.

I understand that in a game with limited space like a space ship there will be some back tracking but can I at least come back to find the body I meticulous stomped to pieces just the way I left it instead of propped up and put back together... Unless another clone snuck in here and died and left a message in his blood... This game is creepy and sneeky.

If you shoot the bad guys directly in the dick it blows both their legs off. It's really satisfying to finally play a game that rewards my immaturity.

This game is about a distopian future how else would you explain the square toilette seats. Don't worry I'm sure as I get sucked in and more involved with this game I will find less time to make snyde on liner comments...

I just upgraded my suit to a level two now it looks even more like someone glued random shit from a hardware store to a leather jumpsuit.

I have two movement speeds awkward jog and lurk.

Neet I just finished chapter one.

I am rewarded at the beginning of Chapter 2 with more space magic. I now have Kinesis I can move shit... with my miiiiiiiind. I repay the fellow with the gouged out eyes for his gift by stomping him literally into pieces. I'm such a space gentleman. Don't worry as a convenient plot device he died from his injuries directly after giving me my present. Oh wait theres a ponytail on the rolly polly head. It was a girl. I feel terrible. We could have had space makeouts. Stomping on these body bags will alleviate my guilt.

Hot damn I just got a flamethrower. This game just got a whole lot awesomer.

Oh you can light yourself on fire. I'm on a ship where the hallways aren't even big enough to swing a cat or flail your gun about and I just wasted all my money a flame thrower.

Even better is the flame thrower barely hurts space zombies. I just have to resort to using my 1950's canister vacuum inspired assault rifle and pump fifty bullets into each zombie.

The plot thickens apparently theres a future space church and they wanted to get some marker thing off the planet that was being drilled. Going to go out on a limb but i bet an extremest of this religion makes things worse for humanity.

Thats it for episode one of dale's super intelligent dead space banter stay tuned for more. (If i actually play it again)

Give Dark Void a chance

I promise Dark Void will make your life better. I'm a bit late coming to the table on this one and I have absolutely no excuse good enough to explain that.

I played the demo so I knew I would like. The fact that the team behind Crimson Skies mad the game was a good hint it was going to be great as well. After all Crimson Skies is the greatest action flyer I've ever played.

I was actually lamenting that I hadn't seen any successor to the X-Box gem but after I played the demo for Dark Void I knew my prayers had been answered. And don't worry they made up for the waiting with tonnes of features. Not only is there awesome flying but there is a great 3rd person shooting aspect to the game with a new inventive cover vertical cover mechanic to go along with your fancy jet machine gun equipped jet pack.

The combination of flying and shooter is meshed so well that fun level is practically through the roof. I put the game in to see what it was like with no real intentions of delving in too deeply yet. That was five and a half hours ago and I'm not stopping yet--well other than to urge you to play this fine fine game.

Coming out of the not gay closet

No i am not coming out of the closet as a homo sexual i tried that as an April fools joke a few years ago and no-one bought it because of my rampant oozing of hetero coupling.

No this time I am coming out of the Wow closet. Yep i started playing wow again.... Which is kind of depressing since i won't be playing a wide assortment of games for a while with most of my attention set on wow. Sorry Battle field 2, sorry just cause 2, sorry burnout paradise i'll be ignoring you all for awhile.

By the way if anyone wants to make wild crazy baby rabbits me and my companion rabbit are collecting easter eggs in Kharanos. Yep i'm even doing seasonal events I am beyond hope haha.

Just cause 2 is amazing

I watched my room mate play the demo for just cause 2 for about a minute before i decided i would by the game. He latched onto a guy with his grappling hook then a canister of air and the guy went flying. Then he latched onto a car and reeled himself onto it and rode on the hood then the bumper while shooting the guys in the car. Oh and if your still not running full speed directly towards wal-mart where this gameis on an amazing two day sale for 39.99 theres a re-deployable parachute! If your still not convinced your a terrible derelict of a person and don't deserve to play video games because you have no right to have fun.

I've been playing this game for about an hour and have already decided that it's going to suck up many many of my daylight hours and i will be ecstatic for everyone of them. The best thing I've done so far is I grappled a statue to my hummer hopped in my hummer and pulled the statue down. I then grappled a guy and pulled him around the street through the rubble until he stopped squirming. After that I grappled the head of the statue to my hummer and pulled it around the streets smashing trees fences plants and other cars without discrimination it's been truly glorious.

Oh and the game gives you in game monetary awards for blowing shit up. Now try to push that boner down back into your pants and go buy this already. You don't want to sit around while i'm having more fun that you do you? DO YOU?

I know a patience trier and though art EA

I know the focus groups at EA regarding Battlefield Bad Company 2 have probably been called off for a while now but I can't help hoping they hear my plea of complete despair.

I know EA is in touch with their audience and that is why they keep releasing rad awesome games. If the company is so in touch how could they make the over sight of turning off their servers at midnight on a Friday night. I just went bonkers. How could they do this to me.

I know it wasn't really some sort of passive aggressive attack on my personal happiness and over all mental stability but then why does it sting so much. Midnight on a Friday night seems like the optimal time to go get owned by someone 12 years younger than me. I could have just lied and told you i owned people but in fact the truth is i still constantly get power owned maybe even turbo owned but that doesn't bother me i still like the game.

Maybe I should be out undertaking irresponsible activities like drinking in da club or trying to have un-protected sex. Yes only trying. Is that what you want EA, really. Should i shuck better judgment and go out into the night since you won't have me. Should I shuck my better judgement and have a sort of life since my man cave is stark and empty without your loving online embrace.

You get what you pay for ps3 owners

Recently PSN online wasn't allowing users to get on to their online profiles to play games

http://gizmodo.com/5482365/error-8001050f-takes-down-playstation-network

A community leader said they hope to have the problem fixed in the next 24 hours. In the meantime just don't turn on your Playstation fat.

http://gizmodo.com/5482914/sony-warning-dont-turn-on-your-fat-ps3-if-you-have-error-8001050f

In further bad news to owners of the most awesomest best ever radical hyper space age fucky dudeness console is your online service might be pay to play soon.

http://gizmodo.com/5482914/sony-warning-dont-turn-on-your-fat-ps3-if-you-have-error-8001050f

Don't worry they will at least have to fix it before they can charge you. In other news x-box fan boys see a 95% raise in wringing hands and meniacle laughter. The mantra muttered by x-box fanboys "you get what you pay for" in response to the constant insult of "free online service" from PS fanboys just got a lot tastier.

Too many Calories in Mass Effect how about the new lighter version.

So I finished Mass Effect 2 and I do not stand corrected on my previous post. Although the game is fun and has smooth game-play it didn't feel like the sequel to mass effect. It didn't even feel like an RPG which apparently it might have never intended to be.

The reason I fell so in love with the idea of mass effect was because it was an RPG that you shoot people and rip around space. It was a beautiful system: you explore nebulas and planets, you collect glorious prizes and you kill shit. Mass Effect 2 is pretty much a diet version of the first one.

You don't explore you head where your told. The levels consist of you travelling from one kill room into a hall way and into another kill room rinse repeat. Really the game's action sequence is a glorified target shoot. There's no epic planet side expedition that takes you hours to work through like the first one. Sure it was annoying to pop around the corner in your six wheeled awesomeness to be lit up by a colossus but it felt good you felt like you earned it. In the sequel you fight ONE colossus and YOU don't even kill it some other dude does while you run around distracting it.

You don't collect. Well at least not that much. There is no rain of different types of weapons provided by different companies throughout the galaxy that you could further customize with a slot system. I completed the game with only ever touching 3 different Assault rifles. What the hell is that? I even played through almost ever level. I recruited everyone and did all the loyalty levels... well except Jacob but by the end of the others without getting any rewards I just wanted to finish the game. I was constantly looking for more weapons and armour pieces I thought that if I played all the levels and got the loyalty then I would be rewarded but I wasn't. Scratch that I got model ships and some fish that died these don't replace guns. I want guns, I need more guns. HOW AM I GOING TO SAVE HUMANITY WITH 3 ASSAULT RIFLES. The reapers are laughing at you Sheppard right in your stupid ill equipped face.

Side Note I do have to give credit where credit is due the Space hamster is awesome I named him Schteeve. Also hot pink armour who could pass that up.

You kill but it's not satisfying. Remember the first game where you were basically Dirty Hairy kicking ass and taking names. Breaking in doors and killing Slave Traders fucking frontier justice. It was enough to get even the meekest nerd hootin' and hollering. Well now you hide behind a crate and pop out. Oh and if the enemy is a tough boss that blows up the crate you stood behind.... well you move over to the other crate. Don't worry about missing items in the corner IT'S ALL MED PACKS AND AMMO.

I wanted to love this game. I loved Mass Effect so much it had won me over it was almost the perfect game. But Bio-Ware bulked and made mass Effect 2 a gutted smoothed over version. There isn't even vehicles in it. How does that make sense. That was one of the greatest parts about the first game. I am sad that this game turned out to be a disappointment for me. I wish I could say good things about it. I mean the game is pretty good it's just not Mass Effect good.