F-ZERO TO F-HERO: 10 things I learned from Modern Warfare 2

1. Nothing will stop racism.

Even though I am a moderately well educated man and have learned the true travesty of groundless ignorance at any given time there are seemingly billions on X-Box Live who haven't.

2. In game graphic cut scenes still suck.

We have now reached the capability with computer imaging to make people and scenery look like badly constructed rubber puppets. In CG of course.

3. Your rarely the best.

It doesn't matter what mode your playing on multi player 95% of the time there are 1-3 people who are better at it than you. The other 5% your at the bottom of the list.

4. Never go on a shooting rampage in a crowded airport.

You think you might get away with it just this once but you won't. If the security force with riot shields doesn't get you, your double crossing leader will just shoot you in the face at the last second.

5. There are Predatore Missiles in Fast Food joints.

In the back left corner on the counter.

6. Tough guys are dead guys.

If you run ahead into the fray you die. If you stand up and spray down the wilderness like that guy in Predator you die. The only way to really survive is to go slow stick to the shadows and bushes and fucking check your corners Jesus Christ how have you not learned that yet.

7. Your favorite characters always die.

You know who's awesome bad mamma jamma's who wear skull bella clavas like Ghost. You know who dies on a double cross bad mamma jamma's who wear skull bella clavas like Ghost.

8. Old Scottish dudes are tougher than shit.

You thought Price died at the end of Modern Warfare. He Didn't. You imagine being locked away in the gulags for 5 years would be too much for one frail human being. It wasn't. You think maybe getting his face stepped on repeatedly by Sheppard in one of the best fist fights in video game history would at least knock him out. IT FUCKING DIDN'T.

9. Mohawks are still bad ass.

Soap has one and he whoops ass. Just like Mr. T, Haggar, Zangief and the Legion of Doom if there's a stripe on your head your handling your effin business.

10. Somebody will always die with a precision face strike.

Whether it's a bullet in the middle of the forehead or a super-bad-ass-awesome-throwing-knife-that-you-pulled-out-of-you-own-chest-and-from-your-back-you-hit-that-asshole-square-in-his-left-eye its coming and you want it.