The super mega ultimate exciting world of micro transaction funded gaming. yay._.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Lets face it the topic "micro-transaction funded gaming" sounds ridiculously boring. Like micro versus macro economics boring. Like how are we actually talking about video games boring. My eyes are glassed over boring. To circumvent the dull-drums, the industry calls it "free to play gaming". Wait i fucking love free, In fact that's my favorite price point.

Free to play mobile games are self explanatory in that you download the game to your desired device and start playing at no cost. The payment is to enrich your experience using an in game currency to buy little things in the game hence a micro transaction. The free to play games can be divided into two categories which are time and content.

The Time category gets your real life dollars by offering you the option of saving you time. These games often require you to build something or other and then you wait for that something to be built or stocked or grown or whatever time consuming method of acquiring an object the game has.

I'm going to use Tiny Tower as an example to conveniently bring up the factoid of it being the first mobile free to play game i played. TT has you construct floors in an apartment building. You gain points by building different business that are essentially a floor in your tower. You also have to make residence floors so you have customers to shop in your sky scraper. The more floors you build the longer you have to wait, in real time no less. This is where the in game currency comes in. You can get rid of the wait time of the floors being constructed.

Instead of closing the game and doing something productive you can get rid of the wait time so you can continue being active in the game while you finish your business call. Business call is code for pooping. I made the term up a few years ago while i was a shift leader at Blockbuster video. "You guys hold the fort i gotta make a business call." See it sounds much more classy than admitting you're going to go into the dank staff washroom to play tiny towers while you dump.

The game that has been occupying my time on the throne lately is Friendly Fire. You need to know about this game because redrobot finally perfected free to play. I say the game is perfect because you can play the full game for free just like Tiny tower the only thing you pay real money for is to skip wait times.

In FF you build an army base and over time you can upgrade your base, defenses and battle units. Your base operates in the same manner as a Real Time Strategy game. You mine for oil and metal to build the tanks and planes you need to attack other players bases. The unique twist is the fact that you pick where your base is set up by putting in your address. The game then uses the street layout in the area of your neighborhood as the layout for your base. This gives the game a nice personalized feel.

Of course the game is just a mobile experience so you can't expect an entirely indepth RTS experience. The game is simplified and streamlined. Instead of having full unit control you pick a drop off point for your tanks around the enemy base. Then your forces roll into the enemy base on auto pilot and wreak havok all the while you can drop bombs via airstrike with pin point accuracy. When you defeat an enemies base you take some of their dog tags but if you loose they take yours. There are leader boards for the world all the way down to your city. Another unique feature is when you are attacked by another player you can get revenge on them and you awarded bonus dog tags for your effort but then they can do the same to you. The more you attack each other the bigger the bonus.

Now that i've talked about two good games I'll tell you how free to play games can be terrible?

Content games make you feel like you are missing a part of the game that you can only experience if you buy additional content. This is either new areas of play, equipment for your characters or the game can be so dick headed that they even want you to buy characters so you aren't outmatched by your enemies. These extremely frustrating because they ramp up the difficulty in a ham fisted attempt to coax you into making a purchase. 

Blood brothers is a good example of this type of game. I rage quit that and then ended up playing multiple variations of the same formula. The formula is a team building battler. You get a starting team of a varying number of monsters. You can get more monsters by amassing in game points and then draw random monsters from an in game mechanic.

Problem is you never really get anything good without paying real money. Blood Brothers even limits the highest level of monsters to such rediculously high levels of in game currency you're basically left with no other option than to pay high amounts of money for a chance to draw for a powerful monster... Which means even if you do part with your hard earned money you can still get stuck with a shitty mage who has no real influence on your battles and you will end up getting ripped apart in all the PVP fights.

Eventually the frustration will be too much and you'll get sick of these games... all of them. Thanks but no thanks Blood brothers, Hell Fire, what ever that marvel game was called, that shitty transformers game and even Puzzle and Dragons. Yes Puzzle and Dragons is the top of the heap for these games but it's just a shitty stink heap anyway.

I live tweeted Final Fantasy XIII-2

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

I'm starting final fantasy XIII-2 Pretty slick opening video with some ambient music and a guy carrying a girl into water

shits going down in the opening fmv. Oh damn that's a big spell raining down on enemies. Why is the theme from love boat playing


I only played about an hour into the story of Final fantasy 13 so i hope this one makes sense


Oh great now that i started the game it's the same video with awesome narration "engage in battle and rejoice"


Ugg cinematic button que events are THE WORST they always seem so hamfisted into the gameplay. The battle tutorial is nice though


"Cinematic action. Press x repeatedly" how bout you go fuck yourself and get on with the fight


The bad guy caius is awesome. This game better pull the switch over where he becomes a playable character


Just got 5stars on the first battle. SUCK IT GAME. So if my name's lightnig and i'm in valhalla and i shoot bolts am i a sexy zeus?


Aaaand it doesn't matter because lightning is dead and now i'm controlling her sister serah


Noel has to find serah to change the future which doesn't make sense, lightning is dead in the present so won't she still be dead


This game's story better not get too complex because i'm drinking beers while playing and i'm already lost


Oh nice you get to pick how you control the camera that's big points


Oh if you haven't played ffxiii you can read the datalogue in the menu to catch up. Or not read and screw it i'll take option b


Wtf there's a jump button? I better not have to do any effin parkour while the buildings around me and underfoot crumble


"One more thing, don't ever lay down AND WAIT TO DIE" I fucking love cheesy final fantasy dialogue so much


nice there's a battle element called paradigm shift. You can focus on attacking one enemy with your party each memebr can take one


When your party attacks one enemy you get a chain and enough chains lowers the enemies defence. Shit just got real


Sweet there's a bestiary i can't wait to fight tonnes of enemies and fill it up and then nerd the fuck out


THERE'S DIFFERENT OUTFITS I CAN UNLOCK HELLS YES. i can't wait to get the whatever weird japanese emo one there is.


So your weapon is actually a moogle and when you're done a battle you cuddle it. Perfect victory celebration


I'm wandering around in the night screwing around and there's blaring up tempo viola jazz music wtf.


I'm not sure if it's just weird japanese mannerisms but i think the big tough guy character in the game just had a hissy fit


Great i'm barely an hour in and already i don't know how to get to the next area of the map... stupid jump mechanic


This fucking terrible music isn't helping the frustration any


Using the paradigm shift repeatedly mid battle to go from a defensive formation to offensive is interesting but incredibly tedious

Noel's voice over sounds like an over articulated tom cruise


The music is great again sultry saxaphoneis just what I want in an RPG I just never knew it untill now

This game is gender confusion to the max. The guys look like girls and the girls look like 12 year old boys


I think playing this before XIII might spoil the plot of XIII


These conversation trees are just filing me with anxiety. What if I choose the wrong one and don't get a giant sword


I think life would be a lot more hilarious if we all adopted FFXIII-2 body language


Come on it's been over two hours where's my new outfit


The most impressive advancement is the design of the chocobos


And they sqwak like a peacock when you jump. That'll be 20 minutes of added gameplay


Now the dogs in my house are going apeshit because they think there is a peacock outside. Make that 40mins of extra gametime.


That's two cut scenes while I wait to leave the starting area RAAAAAAGE


There's a character named godot and his voice over sounds like a petulant Bruce Campbell AND HE'S NOT A PLAYABLE CHARACTER WTF


Sweet there's a new time travelling element where the more places you go the more places open up so i can literally get lost FOREVER


Turns out you can change which character you have as party leader in battle and exploration. Sorry girl with a bow and arrow I would rahter be the dude with two swords. Have fun questioning the meaning of EVERYTHING while I just smash it all


ARE YOU SERIOUS I CAN ADD MONSTERS TO MY PARTY?! THEY FIGHT FOR ME?! best thing EVAR


The monsters have a special ability that you can use once their battle bar builds up TOTALLY AWESOME the first monster i'm using is a cat and it's special ability does a tenth of the damage as a regular attack NOT COMPLETELY AWESOME


other than the one song i was complaining about earlier the sound track is totes rad. Except when you talk to characters in the game the music stays the same volume, which is off puting


Oh nice my cat monster, which looks like a cross between a grey alien and a mogwai, heals me which makes up for his completely wussyness


Oh nice i found a traveling merchant... who is dressed up in a super sluty chocobo outfit... it's weirdly very sexy... don't tell my mom


Holy crap you can infuse one monster with the skills of another by combining them. This game is going DEEEEEEEEEEP


How is this game still throwing new elements at me. Now i'm stuck inside the temporal paradox and i must solve a dissapearing floor puzzle *gilz*


So far I've gotten two battle achievements and both had vague descriptions. "defeated an army's worth of enemies" How many is that? "fought a significant amount of battles without using retry" Sweet what's the numerical equivalent of significant. I think i just wrote a rap lyric


The best feature of this game so far is the fact that if you don't want to fight a random encounter you can just run past the enemy and skip it


All the characters in this game look like gelflings from the dark crystal


Oh man two gates to choose from do i go for the one out in the open or the one off the main path. Which one will have better loot? For the record i could not read a choose your own adventure book without cheating. THIS IS KILLING ME


So i jump 295 years into the future and the loading screen is only half of thay HEY OOO


I'm in the woods fighting a giant tomato monster


I feel like this is one of those bosses i'm supposed to loose to since i've been fighting him for ten minutes and have only gotten him down about a sixth of his life bar he keeps healing himself and my cat monster keeps healing me. Lets do this i got allllllll night


Thank god for autobattle. Spamming 'a' button


(ten minutes later) I've got a quarter of his life bar down


(22 minutes into fight) Just over half way. If he has an epic attack at low health i'm effed


(26 minutes into fight) Tomatoe monster is down to a quarter health


I died... eff sakes i think i should have levelled up a bit more haha


If i get stuck fighting this bad guy a half hour each time just to repeatedly fail that'll be a game breaker


I levelled up my crystal skill tree thinger so maybe i can beat him this timI levelled up my crystal skill tree thinger so maybe i xan beat him this time



This is that effin tomatoe monster i'm fighting his or her name is royal ripeness which is kinda funny

I BEAT IT... but then i screwed up the button prompts because i was trying to take a picture



Look who brought his big dumb face to help fight the tomatoe. A toqueless snow

Well that wraps up the first six hpurs of my gameplay i should be done most of the tutorials by now right?... RIGHT?!


Ok i looked it up and in the american military a platoon is 26-64 which what i am guessing it would be since i got the achievement pretty early


Ok i found an achievement description it actually is 100 enemies. And the achievements that say a significant amount of ________ is 50 fiddy