You get what you pay for ps3 owners

Recently PSN online wasn't allowing users to get on to their online profiles to play games

http://gizmodo.com/5482365/error-8001050f-takes-down-playstation-network

A community leader said they hope to have the problem fixed in the next 24 hours. In the meantime just don't turn on your Playstation fat.

http://gizmodo.com/5482914/sony-warning-dont-turn-on-your-fat-ps3-if-you-have-error-8001050f

In further bad news to owners of the most awesomest best ever radical hyper space age fucky dudeness console is your online service might be pay to play soon.

http://gizmodo.com/5482914/sony-warning-dont-turn-on-your-fat-ps3-if-you-have-error-8001050f

Don't worry they will at least have to fix it before they can charge you. In other news x-box fan boys see a 95% raise in wringing hands and meniacle laughter. The mantra muttered by x-box fanboys "you get what you pay for" in response to the constant insult of "free online service" from PS fanboys just got a lot tastier.

Too many Calories in Mass Effect how about the new lighter version.

So I finished Mass Effect 2 and I do not stand corrected on my previous post. Although the game is fun and has smooth game-play it didn't feel like the sequel to mass effect. It didn't even feel like an RPG which apparently it might have never intended to be.

The reason I fell so in love with the idea of mass effect was because it was an RPG that you shoot people and rip around space. It was a beautiful system: you explore nebulas and planets, you collect glorious prizes and you kill shit. Mass Effect 2 is pretty much a diet version of the first one.

You don't explore you head where your told. The levels consist of you travelling from one kill room into a hall way and into another kill room rinse repeat. Really the game's action sequence is a glorified target shoot. There's no epic planet side expedition that takes you hours to work through like the first one. Sure it was annoying to pop around the corner in your six wheeled awesomeness to be lit up by a colossus but it felt good you felt like you earned it. In the sequel you fight ONE colossus and YOU don't even kill it some other dude does while you run around distracting it.

You don't collect. Well at least not that much. There is no rain of different types of weapons provided by different companies throughout the galaxy that you could further customize with a slot system. I completed the game with only ever touching 3 different Assault rifles. What the hell is that? I even played through almost ever level. I recruited everyone and did all the loyalty levels... well except Jacob but by the end of the others without getting any rewards I just wanted to finish the game. I was constantly looking for more weapons and armour pieces I thought that if I played all the levels and got the loyalty then I would be rewarded but I wasn't. Scratch that I got model ships and some fish that died these don't replace guns. I want guns, I need more guns. HOW AM I GOING TO SAVE HUMANITY WITH 3 ASSAULT RIFLES. The reapers are laughing at you Sheppard right in your stupid ill equipped face.

Side Note I do have to give credit where credit is due the Space hamster is awesome I named him Schteeve. Also hot pink armour who could pass that up.

You kill but it's not satisfying. Remember the first game where you were basically Dirty Hairy kicking ass and taking names. Breaking in doors and killing Slave Traders fucking frontier justice. It was enough to get even the meekest nerd hootin' and hollering. Well now you hide behind a crate and pop out. Oh and if the enemy is a tough boss that blows up the crate you stood behind.... well you move over to the other crate. Don't worry about missing items in the corner IT'S ALL MED PACKS AND AMMO.

I wanted to love this game. I loved Mass Effect so much it had won me over it was almost the perfect game. But Bio-Ware bulked and made mass Effect 2 a gutted smoothed over version. There isn't even vehicles in it. How does that make sense. That was one of the greatest parts about the first game. I am sad that this game turned out to be a disappointment for me. I wish I could say good things about it. I mean the game is pretty good it's just not Mass Effect good.

What the hell happened to my Mass Effect - Early impressions

Feelings of anger and confusion.

Don't fix something that ain't broke. It's a tired old cliche saying that everyone agrees might be used too much. Well apparently it needs to be used a couple more times because it's like Bio-Ware never heard this before.

There was a general industry wide bitching about the graphics and the controls of the shooting elements in the first game. This was a bit broken and it would make sense for Bio-Ware to fix this to make the game even better and more enjoyable. What doesn't make sense is to strip the game of the deep RPG aspects and aim at a more 'action' experience.

Dear Bio-Ware please look at other successful titles out on the X-Box 360. They all have one thing in common. RPG elements win. With the surprise success (not to me) of Borderlands it is even more of a glaring mistake to take out the gear whoring aspects of the game.

And the skill developement *weep* 6 upgradable elements aren't nearly enough. What happened to gun proficiency? What happened to unlocking gun skills? Powers? Combat Training? Now I have to make a decision between do I want better attack power with more health and increased defenses or do I want better team healing? How is this even a debate thats a complete no brainer. Your causing yourself a great deal of strife if you don't improve in the best three ways possible at once. Couldn't you at least split those first three up so I can trick myself into thinking I am developing a character on a path I want.

Now for the hug in this rant. I can't say love enough times to make my statement powerful enough to express my feelings towards the inclusion of outfit customization. Any time someone suggests to add customized visuals to a game that guy gets a fucking raise. Without that guy I can't run around with my handlebar mustache and hot pink space suit. Duke Sheppard you really are a fetching fellow.

Over all I like the game. I like it through a furrowed brow and a butthurt anger that seethes every time I have to "level up" from experience I didn't earn.

I realize I am still very early in the game and have a fully prepared face diaper because there better be something here to make me shit my mind.

Bayonetta is fucking stupid

This game is to video games what Showgirls is to movies. It's terrible. It's worse than BMX XXX. But the absolute worst part about this game is that if it didn't have the preteen porn it would be amazing.

I'm sorry I can't look past the imbecilic T'n'A factor of this game. Yes the combo system is awesome. Yes the story is above average. Finally yes I do feel bad inside for playing this game.

The only reason I am playing it is because blockbuster ran out of copies of Darksiders. Also if I play on mute and skip every single dog shit cut scene I think I might be able to power through it and somehow squeeze ten dollars worth of game playing out of it.

I currently pretend I am playing another installment of Devil May Cry after all it is the same director (Hideki Kamiya) as the first Devil May Cry game. It's not that hard to visualize because the game goes so far as to have the same menu tones as devil may cry and the same combat system--which for the record is one of my favorites to date.

I am baffled that this game is getting Perfect scores all over the map. The cut screen graphics are abysmal and although the enemy design is good you end up fighting about a thousand of the same pion before you end up fighting a different one. That's the guy with the blue smock. But the cherub faced mini-bosses are a good fresh look on enemies.

The good guy character design is absolute garbage. First of all the main character Bayonetta looks like Lulu from FFX mixed with sailor moon and then jerked off all over by some 13 year old basement dweller. Then theres your two main npc companions who look like a fat Joe Pesci wearing a bowler hat and a rain slicker and Blade if he wore a suede over coat that was three sizes too small. A hint for the team in the future is how bout instead of spending an embarrassing amount of time on Bayonetta's ass you make a shop keeper who isn't a ten minute throwaway ten minute place holder.

Usually I am a fan of camp and enjoy some ridiculousness in all my entertainment. When it's thinly veiled pornography dressed up as slapstick it doesn't pass. I didn't like when Sindel hit shit with her hair and my opinion hasn't really changed since. Especially when the girls outfit is made of her magical hair that apparently looks like a PVC suit and she gets more naked the bigger her combos get.

As a gamer I have always defended playing games and insisting that it's not a mark of immaturity and games aren't built just for little boys with smelly hard-ons who can't bring themselves to talk to women in real life. Not anymore. It looks like I am going to hide this game cover for the short while it's in my possession.

Of course I have to admit that some people aren't going to have a problem with this game and that they don't see anything wrong with it but at the same time I have to admit that some people don't see anything wrong with furries and having sex dressed up as mascots.

Wanna touch me?

Christmas Gaming

Traditionally for whatever reason christmas has always meant heavy gaming. For what ever reason you always end up with some downtime. Either its too cold out or your just sick of listening to your mom talk about how people you graduated with are more successful than you but whatever your excuse you end up alone in front of the TV.

Christmas is the perfect time to discover some new titles that you were waiting for as a gift from that rad family member who knows who is intune with your wants and not your needs. I still remember very fondly the year the i discovered original Halo. It blew my mind. I hadn't really gotten back into FPS's since Perfect Dark and after that christmas i was all in.

Adversely it is also a good time to finish some game that you might have started and then neglected for shinier prizes. This is the route I decided to go this year but instead of something recent I took a time machine 16 years to the past and played Shinning Force with the help of Sonic's Ultimate Genesis Collection.
For one reason or another I have always looked back at this game with fondness and rose tinted fading memories. And it was all justified.

There must be something about cartoon graphics and RPG's it just seems to fit. I can loose days to these and not really notice but for some reason the newer 3d super graphic mega complex RPG's wear me out after a few hours. It might be nostalgia or just my old age but i haven't managed to cram through 21 hours of gameplay in 3 days in quite some time.

Of course it could boil down to my first salient point and I could have just had nothing better to do. That or all the rum.

F-ZERO TO F-HERO: 10 things I learned from Modern Warfare 2

1. Nothing will stop racism.

Even though I am a moderately well educated man and have learned the true travesty of groundless ignorance at any given time there are seemingly billions on X-Box Live who haven't.

2. In game graphic cut scenes still suck.

We have now reached the capability with computer imaging to make people and scenery look like badly constructed rubber puppets. In CG of course.

3. Your rarely the best.

It doesn't matter what mode your playing on multi player 95% of the time there are 1-3 people who are better at it than you. The other 5% your at the bottom of the list.

4. Never go on a shooting rampage in a crowded airport.

You think you might get away with it just this once but you won't. If the security force with riot shields doesn't get you, your double crossing leader will just shoot you in the face at the last second.

5. There are Predatore Missiles in Fast Food joints.

In the back left corner on the counter.

6. Tough guys are dead guys.

If you run ahead into the fray you die. If you stand up and spray down the wilderness like that guy in Predator you die. The only way to really survive is to go slow stick to the shadows and bushes and fucking check your corners Jesus Christ how have you not learned that yet.

7. Your favorite characters always die.

You know who's awesome bad mamma jamma's who wear skull bella clavas like Ghost. You know who dies on a double cross bad mamma jamma's who wear skull bella clavas like Ghost.

8. Old Scottish dudes are tougher than shit.

You thought Price died at the end of Modern Warfare. He Didn't. You imagine being locked away in the gulags for 5 years would be too much for one frail human being. It wasn't. You think maybe getting his face stepped on repeatedly by Sheppard in one of the best fist fights in video game history would at least knock him out. IT FUCKING DIDN'T.

9. Mohawks are still bad ass.

Soap has one and he whoops ass. Just like Mr. T, Haggar, Zangief and the Legion of Doom if there's a stripe on your head your handling your effin business.

10. Somebody will always die with a precision face strike.

Whether it's a bullet in the middle of the forehead or a super-bad-ass-awesome-throwing-knife-that-you-pulled-out-of-you-own-chest-and-from-your-back-you-hit-that-asshole-square-in-his-left-eye its coming and you want it.

no more mass effect

well as you may have noticed there have been no mass effect posts in a while. Mike's x-box red ringed and his hard drive had my save game on it.

Through happenstance and pure luck my brother roasted his hard drive but not his x-box so he bought a new one and gave me his old one after we got drunk and took it apart to figure out what was wrong. We were not able to fix it or actually put it back together properly. We didn't figure out it was the hard drive until the next day when we tried to put it on his new arcade. We are total tards. But i got an x-box again and i need some rpg crack to tide me over.

Even though Mass Effect is a very good game re-playing the first 2 hours makes me want to repeatedly hit myself in the mouth with my controller. Since i don't need my teeth anymore crooked I started playing lost odyssey again instead. That game is complete total awesome buuuut its complete total molasses awesome so i got bpred and switched to sacred 2.

I have a loot whore boner for that game and don't really see anything taking its spot as a rad time chewing rpg. Maybe border lands but that doesn't have armor and outfits quite like sacred. I can honestly say Sacred 2 is the best action RPG I've played since Champions of Norath. And even though Too Human was pretty fun the lack of variance in the items and how the bad guys all looked the same makes it a distant second.

If you feel like helping me out I and the Dryad that keeps dying trying to kill that shitty colossus.