With pretty much every-game thats being created right now you are seeing a sandbox type of gameplay. The freedom to explore your environment and interact with it is ever so popular right now because everyone knows its fun to screw around. Now that systems have enough processing power to support entire worlds game companies are giving us what we want. Everything from First Person Shooters to Racing games are taking advantage of this to offer the gamer more of an indirect way to accomplish goals. Going to an online video site like ifilm, collge humor or break (you tube is getting lamer and lamer) you can find limitless videos of people doing stunts and pretty much turning fucking around into an art form. Even though we are doing it now more than ever be for wasting time in video games always has always been a distraction and in these examples a special treat. I give you our top 5 favorite Time Wasters
#5
Dale - Sound Test (Jungle Book, Sega Genesis)
For pretty much every-game that had one back in this era I would tinker around endlessly with the sound test screen. This used to be a lot funner before computers were in every house hold and you could just download your favorite MP3 and listen to it at nauseam. Jungle Book however had me spending a ridiculously large amount of time pissing around with this mostly for two reasons there was a whip noise and a thunder clap noise. Ok I'm a dirty liar I would also play the sher kahn growl over and over and pretend I was growling and make a little claw shape with my hand.
Mike - Murdering Hundreds of Russian Soldiers (Goldeneye, Nintendo 64)
In one of the first levels in Goldeneye you are infiltrating a Russian facility to rendezvous with another agent. Well when you reach one of the last hallways in the level guards are alerted and an endless stream of them come to kill you. One of the funniest things to do in the entire game is to just stand there in the hallway and slaughtering them as they spawn right around the corner and rush blindly towards you. Pretty soon the bodies are piled knee deep on the floor and every step you take lands upon an AK-47 dropped from lifeless Russian hands. After about half an hour of watching green uniformed bodies twitch and spasm on the ground you might get a little bored. But then you turn on DK mode and suddenly your murder spree is entertaining again because now your targets have giant, emotionless block heads.
#4
Dale - Tazer (Siphon Filter, PS1)
Aparently they gave a monkey a camera but this is a guy being lit on fire by the tazer
There was no shortage of weapons in this game so you barely ever had to resort to you base attack which was a tazer. It was the type with a cord so you could shoot like 20 feet or something awesomely exagerated. The reason this became such a little joy for me is because you could hold down the button and the guy would just sit there and vibrate and eventually light on fire. My Favorite was to sneak up directly below a sniper that was on some ledge above you and tazer him until he lit on fire. He would then plummet the 20-30 feet as a giant bad guy fireball. It was the perfect release for vindictive pyromaniacs like myself. I think some officers from the City of Vancouver Police Department must have played this game too. Except instead of zapping some snipers till they lit on fire it was an immigrant who didn't speak english and he just died.
Mike - Mass Murder (GTA III, PS2)
We've all done it. You're running around Liberty City, maybe you're delivering some kind of illegal package, maybe you're going to beat up a pimp, whatever. Then you see a sniper rifle lying on the ground. You grab it and from that point on it's only a matter of time before you're on a rooftop taking aim at innocent civilians walking around below. You shoot them and then a cop shows up and starts taking shots at you, and he goes down too. Then more cops. Then a helicopter. Then the SWAT teams. You probably get killed at this point. But when you come back to life you're hit with an uncontrollable desire to reach maximum wanted level, and so you enter some cheat codes and stock up, find a defensible position, and go to town. Soon there's bodies all over the street, burning wreckage of helicopters falling from the sky, and SWAT vans lying overturned in the street. That's when you see it. Looming, clanking, slowly approaching. The Tank. Mission accomplished.
#3
Dale - Shooting Lights (Golden Eye, N64)
This was the first FPS I ever played. I was so enthralled with the fact that I could just aim and shoot anything that it pretty much took over my time. I would draw pictures on the wall, see how many bullet holes i could put in the toilettes and snipe bad guys in the hands or butts instead of going for an easy kill. There was one thing however that I treated as more than just pissing around it became an OCD ritual that gives the kind of pleasure that looking back on kinda makes me look "a little off" lets say and that was shooting lights. It started out because I was amazed that the lighting in the level changed when you shot the light and back then that was a big fucking deal. It got to that I couldn't run past a light without stopping to shoot it. Every once in a while when I am playing modern FPS's I take a little me time and shoot the lights.
Mike - Skating and Grinding (Jet Set Radio, Dreamcast)
As fun as it is being a graffiti-spraying rollerblader fighting cops and helicopters and electric mutants, sometimes it's relaxing and just plain fun to just skate around the city and just grind the shit out of everything. While in no way a true sandbox game, the levels in Jet Set/Grind Radio were big enough that you could just mess around for hours skating and doing tricks and enjoying the great music and stringing together grind combos. It was also fun to see if you could sprint around randomly and leap off into space and try to land on something that you could grind on, be it a rail, a fence, a billboard, a bike rack, whatever. It was so fun and so addictive that in real life when I am walking around I find myself looking at some city architecture and thinking "you know that would be a killer Jet Set grind."
#2
Dale - Rolling Around (Zelda-Majoras Mask, N64)
One of the advertised draws to this title for potential gamers was the fact that you could change into a cast of characters by wearing their corresponding mask to accomplish specific puzzles. One giant draw to this game for Dale is turning into the goron character and rolling around the levels makeing tire squeely noises and accomplishing nothing.
Mike - Breaking the Laws of Physics (Portal, Xbox 360)
If you have played this game, you've done this. The floor-ceiling-floor endless falling, the wall-wall-wall endless running, or maybe even the twisting/rotating floor-wall-floor endless flipping. It's inevitable that at one point during your run through the game that you'll stop, put companion cube down, and spend about ten minutes just fucking around. You'll probably also spend about five minutes placing portals in a corner trying to get a good look at your character. You might even try to get a cube to be trapped suspended in two adjacent floor portals (but not Companion Cube, because it's your friend and you wouldn't do that to a friend.)
#1
Dale - Crashing (Burnout Paradise, X360)
Burnout Paradise has more awesome features that I wish i could talk about here that i would waste my time away with. To do the game justice I would have to do a reality type of show where you just watch me fuck around in the game and then you would know what i was talking about. That would probably actually get picked up by the networks considering what people watch nowadays. I just want reality tv to die. Why WON'T IT DIE. ITS MY GREAT GRANDMA THAT'S LEAVING ME MONEY. YOU KNOW THE ONE WHO CONSIDERED A HARD SLAP ACROSS THE FACE AS A DISCIPLINARY SPANKING. THE ONE WHO DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH. THE ONE THAT STINKS. THE ONE THAT DOESN'T HAVE A TV SO YOU NEVER WANT TO VISIT AS A KID. JUST DIE WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE YOUR 200 YEARS OLD. But I digress..
You know how insane people (not me at all) talk about how when they are driving down long stretches of highway they get urges to crank the wheel off the road "just to see what happens". Scientists have a scientific term for just this sort of thing its "nuts". Well if you know what I am talking about you can understand how a dick hardening sweet ass camera cinematic would add to the desire to "just to see what happens". It does and it did to me... for hours.
Mike - Taking Insane Jumps (GTA Series, various systems)
The Grand Theft Auto games are pretty similar to one another, including the best time waster of any game ever because of its endless variety and possibilities. I speak of course of the potential for utterly mind-blowing jumps and stunts, in cars, motorbikes, tanks, busses, golf carts - pretty much anything with wheels. Whether it's flying full speed off rooftops in a dinky little towncar or caroming off airport distance markers, the jumps in GTA are always amazing. Even after you find an epic jump and launch yourself through the stratosphere, smashing your car into a building or tree or like five other cars upon landing, you immediately head right back to do it again. Or maybe you go get a different vehicle to see how that one takes the jump. When we were playing four-player free mode in GTA IV recently we found a jump that overlooked the river, and all four of us literally spent 2 or 3 hours trying to jump that damn river in everything possible in the city. You haven't played GTA until you've stacked four people into a tour bus and tried to launch it across the river.
f-zero to F-HERO friday: Time Wasters
F-ZERO to F-HERO friday: Controller Biters
Ok we have all had those games that are frustrating. We have all also had our moments in our younger less calm days where we would throw the controller, yell curses to the gods and in the case of my friends creepy little brother, actually scream and bite the controller. We have learned to not destroy our peripherals in furious anger any longer because we realized we have to pay for them and the games are even harder to play with a broken stuck in button. Even though we handle it better we get the stabbies from these points of frustration. heres our list of the top 5 we can remember thoughout our video game careers.
#5
Dale - Power Strike (Sega Master System)
this was a shooter that was fun as hell. You had your choice of 8 weapons that you could upgrade to various levels of power output. There was nothing better than getting 4 of your favorite weapon. Mine was this giant ball that would float infront of ship when you hit the button it would flash and incinerate anything it covered. As you powered it up the circle grew. There was something about this game though. When you died you had to start over with nothing. And IT WAS FUCKING HARD. You had blown through the levels on your first life now you on level 5 and you can't get any fucking weapons except the gay 2's what the hell NOOOOOOOOOOOO.
Mike - Star Fox 64 (Nintendo 64)
Another of my favorite games, one that I consider myself truly good at. There's a regular difficulty and a hard difficulty, I can finish the game on both with relative ease...with one exception. The final level has two versions. The easy version has you flying through a rocky terrain world killing hundreds of little ships, turrets, and other minions. The hard version has you take on your arch-nemesi, the Star Wolf team, in a pitched dogfight amongst some old temple ruins. On regular difficulty I can blow through either with no problem. Hard mode, I can take out the Star Wolf team with ease...but the "easy" level? FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE. There's about three times as many ships and lasers flying around, and within a minute I always find myself 3/4 dead with both wings broken off, Peppy and Falco dead, and Slippy (somehow still alive) wailing and crying. Then one of thirty attack ships kamikazes into me and I smash into four stone ledges and explode in a fiery detonation of misery.
#4
Dale - Every Mega Man Ever Made except that terrible rpg
There is one thing about this series that was true from title to title and that was those fucking boss battles. There was always an order, a chain of command to use the weapons you aquired on the next boss that once you figured it out you got a big ego stroke as you laid the hurt to those personified animal robots. Untill you got the order though and you couldn't beat anything and you felt helpless and stupid. You would franticly pick the levels at random and try to make it through and then only realize there was no way in hell you were going to beat the boss at the end. On the third time you would be like through the fire level or some shit and you would fight the boss almost kill him and then boomf-oomf-oomf explode into a million little energy particles and it was your last life CONTINUE I HAVE TO DO THE WHOLE LEVEL OVER FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
There is actually an amazing band that has songs about ninetendo games and here is a fan made video for their awesome song about the megaman bad guy cutsman and their frustration with him.
Mike - Monster Hunter Freedom 1 & 2 (PSP)
One of my favorite games is also one of the most frustrating. In Monster Hunter, you head out into the wilderness armed with impossibly large swords and hammers and fight giant fucking wyverns and monsters. Then you take their claws and scales and use those to make better equipment so you can go kill bigger monsters. That's pretty much the series in a nutshell. The wyvern fights are epic battles - it's all real-time, and you have to do every dodge, ever slash, every roll manually. And they take like half an hour each, or sometimes even a full hour to take one down. It's a great game. However, it has also made me almost hurl my psp against the wall countless times. Sometimes you'll be absolutely destroying a boss, shattering its horns, its claws, even cutting off its tail, and then suddenly it'll roar (staggering you), followed by a bite, claw, tail-stump whip (stunning you), bite, trample, fireball, trample (re-stunning you), claw, claw, bite, claw, aerial Akuma-diagonal-fireball, and you'll be dead. Other times the wyvern will be almost dead, limping away, and you'll be desperately chasing it from map to map, waiting for it to land so you can hit it ONE MORE FUCKING TIME to kill it, and time is rapidly counting down. You'll see it slowly landing in the distance and you'll charge towards it, only for it to touch down AND IMMEDIATELY LEAP INTO THE AIR AGAIN and fly off. And this will happen about 5 times and time will run out and you'll lose and you'll want to just stab the psp with a knife over and over again.
#3
Dale - NHL 94 (Super Nintendo)
If your canadian you know this series very well. The forefront of hockey games since 93 ea sports has given teenage boys and young men something to fight about. The first game (93) had fighting but they removed it the next year citing video game violence or some bull crap like that. The reason 94 was so terrible was it was the year withut fighting before if you won more fights it was ok if you lost the game.
"dude i totally beat you hahaha"
"thats probably because i was tripping all over that guys face from that fight i murdered you in in the second period"
Sitting in my friend Jason's basement listening to purple by stone temple pilots we played this game to death. We would get right into it and sometimes when your winning by the other person would come back force into over time and then your like its ok what are the ods of him scoring 3 in a row i mean i was in the lead. And then you start over time and they score in the first 10 seconds on a coast to coast skate. And you just want to cry and punch kittens in the face because it was just tooooo terrible.
Mike - Crazy Taxi 2 (Dreamcast)
I absolutely love the Crazy Taxi series, and for years it KILLED me that Crazy Taxi 2 was only available on Dreamcast. (It was recently re-released on PSP as well, and I was overjoyed.) When my cousin who had a Dreamcast got the first one, I played it for like 10 hours straight and stayed up all night to finish all the challenges and beat all the high scores. So when he got a pirated disc of Crazy Taxi 2, of course I had to do it again and stayed up all night. After many, many repetitions of "GO!...restart. GO!...restart. GO!............restart" of restarting a mission after like 5 seconds because of a bad turn or slightly crooked stop, I got to the last challenge level. Apparently the disc wasn't burned 100% correctly, because when I started the mission I noticed a small glitch of THE BUILDINGS AND ROADS BEING COMPLETELY INVISIBLE. I could see right through them to see the eternal ocean the city was built on, the people twelve blocks away, and all the other cars on the road. Through painstaking trial and error, I actually beat the level, after probably at least 2 hours of racing through traffic at breakneck speed only to suddenly smash off the invisible building or fence in the way. In some ways this makes the "beat it completely" achievement even better. But in other ways it just made me want to kill myself.
#2
Dale - Halo (Xbox)
The first Halo was not the most intense of the series because it was the first. The first Halo was the hardest because there were two weapons way better than any other the shotgun to fight the flood and the pistol to fight the hunters and without these two weapons the game was hard as fuck. The pistol was wierdly strong and had zoom so you could use it as a quasi sniper rifle and if you shot a hunter in the back in the orange part it would kill them in one shot. With these two weapons the game was handleable it was hard as fuck but you could trudge through it. Now when your playing Co-op if your partner backs up you come back to life go find your body and get your shot gun back. there was no hope without it. It was the golden bastion of life. Sometimes though you would run back to your body and you couldn't find the shotgun. ITS GONE YOUR DEAD SIMPLE AS THAT. This is the freak out you die your pretty tense running with your p shooter trying to get your awesome shotgun and you finally get there and its gone and you grow frantic you can't find it it blew off a cliff from a grenade. Now your being killed over and over by those fucking baby heads.
Mike - World of Warcraft (PC)
This is the only game on my list where the urge to smash something comes from other players and not the game itself. World of Warcraft is a fantastic RPG universe game. It's huge, there's an impossibly large number of quests and monsters to kill, and it's got crazy replay value. Oh yes, and it's also infested with the dregs of society whose apparent purpose in life is to harass and slaughter other players and ruin their enjoyment of the game in some horrible, ridiculous dick-measuring contest.
We started playing on a PVP (player versus player) server, which means that in most areas of the game, fighting other players is enabled. There are two factions, Horde and Alliance, and if you kill a player on the opposing faction who's near your level, you earn Honor, which can be redeemed for gear. So there's a valid reason for PVP fighting, which is fine. Personally I never did it, because it didn't interest me at all. But if someone attacked me I fought back.
The problem I had was when characters decked out in starmetal fiery armor wielding swords bigger than their bodies who were level 70 (maximum level) would just slaughter low level characters for no reason at all. There was absolutely no gain for them - you don't earn honor for killing players who are a lot lower level than you - so the only reason for their behavior is...they're giant douchebags. At first it wasn't that bad. I figured that given WoW's size, it was inevitable to run into the occasional 13-year-old kid dealing with his rampant hormones through the game. But then it kept happening. Repeatedly. Even worse is that when you die, you have to run back to your corpse and resurrect - at which point the fucktard who's been killing you runs out from around a tree and one-shots you again. Why would you do this! Do you really have nothing better to do than just ruin the experience for other people?? It'd be like your boss buying a box of donuts for everyone and everyone going to the lunchroom to get one, only to discover that fucking Steve who doesn't eat sugar got there first and just urinated over the entire box.
Sadly, it's a self-replenishing cycle. Many players, upon hitting level 70, don't celebrate their ascension by going out and attempting a difficult dungeon or doing a quest to get a great new piece of gear. No, these players' thoughts turn immediately to bitter, bitter memories and they head right off for the starter areas to kill rookie players and start the cycle all over again.
However, as annoying as this was, I was amazed to discover that it could still get worse. When you die in WoW while fighting a monster or NPC, your gear loses durability and you have to eventually pay to get it repaired. At high levels, the repair costs are quite high. It's not a huge penalty but it gives players a reason to not be completely careless, since dying does cost them money. Now, when a player kills another player, there is no loss in durability. So I didn't even really care when I got ganked by a bored level 70 idiot, because it was annoying but it wasn't actually costing me anything except some time.
So there I was at a neutral town getting some quests, when suddenly the neutral guards (who to keep towns "safe" will kill anyone who attacks another player nearby) freak out and pound me into mushy bits. I'm shocked, but figure it was just a glitch, and return to my corpse and resurrect. I start talking to the quest giver again and this time spot a gnome rogue, an opposing faction player, pop out of hiding and use some kind of skill or item...which is immediately followed by the guards running over and crushing me once again. Oh but they don't attack the gnome. They just leave him alone, and he runs over and starts laughing and dancing on my dead body. I almost put my fist through the screen. Yes, the gnome's - THIS PLAYER'S - sole objective was not to get any sort of personal reward or experience or anything, but JUST TO GET ME KILLED AND COST ME MONEY. I was stunned. During this moment of pure, utter rage, I realized that shit like this is exactly how those insane stories out of Korea about gamers getting into real-life conflicts happen. THIS would be like fucking Steve not only pissing on all the donuts, but then finding out that he stole your wallet yesterday and gave the boss YOUR MONEY to buy the donuts with.
#1
Dale - Half Life 2 (Xbox 360)
This game is hard but it has that awesome feature where you just come to life at the last check point you passed. There was one enemy in this game that was basically a cheap piece of shit that has no business being in any game ever. Maggot gunships seemingly a nice blend of disgusting and firepower you fight the first one in the light house and its a giant fucking pain in the ass. You need to get rockets and shoot at it...... But it shoots your rockets so you have to luck. I died a thousand times there before i finally did it. Play though the game again and then there is this prison level or whatever where there is two maggot ships. Fine whatever they are hard as fuck you expect it. You come back to life pretty much before them anyway so whatever. But when you are playing this spot in the game for a week straight making no ground you get a little fed up with it. Finally i did one of the ever classic FUCK YOU GAME FUCK YOU SHITTY ASS MOTHERFCKING HARD SHIT YOUR TOO HARD I DON'T CARE I AM NEVER PLAYING YOU EVER AGAIN YOU PIECE OF SHIT. I never played it again I sold it and traded it in.
Mike - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Nintendo)
This was just a terrible game in pretty much every aspect. None of the fun of the cartoon, pretty much no distinction between the turtles (except Donatello whose staff let you hit guys through walls and cheat). But terrible games aren't that unusual, especially when we're talking old NES games. But one level in particular stands out vividly. If you ever got to this level, you know what I mean. Hell, you probably already know what I'm about to say. You might even be gritting your teeth or weeping under your desk too.
The underwater level.
Correction. The underwater level with the endless amounts of electric kelp that you have to gingerly swim through or die a horrible electrocution death. And it's not a few of these fucking electric death plants here and there. No you're right in the middle of a FOREST of electric seaweed. Oh right and there's a different type of seaweed that if you get too close, reaches out and strangles you. Did I mention the deadly electrical wires that stretch across the tunnels? Or the rotating deadly spikes that you have to navigate around? Oh and the eight bombs that you have to disarm to stop the Hoover Dam from exploding and flooding New York. Oh yeah and you only have TWO FUCKING MINUTES. 
The timer was the last straw. Without that looming over your head, it would just be a terrible level that you had to really take your time and slowly work through. But with the timer...god. You end up desperately trying to get to the next bomb, drifting slightly too high into a FUCKING CLUSTER OF PINK BULLSHIT ELECTRO SEAWEED, and watching your life just vanish with a brain-stabbing BRRRZZ BRRRZZ BRRRZZZZ. You'd desperately switch to a fresh turtle (you could switch at the pause screen) only to watch his health vanish as well.
Soon you're down to only Raphael and the poor guy swims up a screen only to be met with more pink than a fucking My Little Pony Meets Barbie convention. Seriously who designed this shit? I must have missed the part in the storyline where the turtles got captured by the guy from Saw.
Most Memorable Arcade Games From Childhood
5
D- Bad Dudes: 
I remember in grade 4 I had to show my 4H Calf in the fall fair and as part of my duties I would have to watch the barns and make sure no one raped the cows or what ever the fuck I was supposed to be there for. I would sneak off and just watch people play arcade games. One time I got busted away from my post and my mother was lecturing me and my reply was. "But mom there's this game where the bad guys die in one punch, ONE PUNCH"
4
D- Time Killers: 
I remember being drawn to this game by the premise of characters from across the ages battling each other. The most amazing thing however was that you could cut off limbs and heads in the middle of the fight. I was so young that I knew shouldn't be watching anything that violent but that just made it that much sweeter
3
D- Pin Bot: 
I played it again recently and ruined my rose colored memories. I just remember the talking and how it was a robot and the flippers were his hands or something and wondering why it would hit the ball into his own chest
2
D- Avengers: 
We actually managed to get enough people together to play this on a regular basis. John E was Iron man, I was Hawkeye, John B was Vision..... who the fuck was the other guy..... who the fuck was the other character aaaaanyway it was fucking rad and we finished it ever since then I have had a gay hardon for Hawkeye. Aparently it was captain america considering the game was named after him. I don't remember who played as him though we all though the shield throw instead of shooting was dumb. How the fuck could he through it back and forth like a bomerang in the same time that hawkeye fired an arrow or vision shot eye beams. I mean eye beams go pretty damn fast.
1
D- Goldenaxe: 
John E would get quarters from his mom from her tips the night before (she was a waitress) and we would go to school sometimes 45 minutes early just so we could stop on the way and play this game. We would always fight over who was the barbarian and who got the left over dwarf I think I tried that girl character once. This also holds the esteem of being the first ever Arcade game I finished
bored at work
dalebot 5317: wanna see the ad i do when i quit.
"hey dale is that cadillac escalade sale ad done"
"yep here it is"
mike @ work: ahahaha
dalebot 5317: "what do you think....
uhhh yeah i am just going to interpret you lying on the floor shaking as a happy dance"
mike @ work: and you are clutching your eyes because they are dazzled by their brilliance
dalebot 5317: hahaha i know i scream everytime i look at it too
mike @ work: hahaha
dalebot 5317: "shit were lost in the woods anyone got a flash light"
"i have this ad"
-pulls out of pocket-
"HOLY FUCK PUT THAT AWAY WHAT THE FUCK I'M BLIND I'M BLIND"
mike @ work: what sorry i can't hear you over the sound of four helicopters touching down
dalebot 5317: HAHAA
dalebot 5317: WOW THIS WELDERS SPARK IS LIKE 30% AS BRIGHT AS YOUR AD
mike @ work: hey do you have a photo of the sun
yes why
i want to put a lens flare on my ad
dalebot 5317: hahahahaahah
dalebot 5317: "HEY DALE YOU HAVE A PAPERCLIP"
"yes but why are you yelling"
"YOUR AD WAS SO BRIGHT I'M NOW DEAF"
"how does that even work did it break your brain"
"NO THANKS I DON'T LIKE APPLES I DID OWN A HORSE AS A CHILD THOUGH"
mike @ work: hahahaha
mike @ work: hahahaha
mike @ work: IT COULD BE WORSE I COULD BE JACK
points to where jack sits, there is just a smoldering heap of ashes
dalebot 5317: hahahahah
dalebot 5317: "since it was my ad i get his xbox games"
"dale thats not fucking fair I'm his son"
-shows ad-
dalebot 5317: HAHAHAHAHAHA EVEN MORE GAMES
mike @ work: hahahaha
mike @ work: "dale fine you can have both of their games but please stop showing the ad, there are giant gaping holes burned through all our walls now"
dalebot 5317: "and i'm pretty sure steve with the broken brain wandered through and fell to his death"
dalebot 5317: SWEET MORE GAMES
mike @ work: "oh my god what is that noise"
everyone runs outside to see the sky being sucked through some gigantic black vortex
Great dale, your ad BROKE THE ATMOSPHERE. Good job.
dalebot 5317: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
dalebot 5317: I AM THE WORLD RUINER MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
mike @ work: hahaha
Games in your pocket.
(that picture is actually from a free game advertisement from world industries for a shooter based on their popular water and fire characters called Roid rage its free at http://www.worldindustries.com/roidrage/)
For a long time I have had a dismal view of hand held video gaming. Mike on the other hand loves his PSP and it almost took an exorcism to get him to stop playing Monster Hunter. Which is totally fine because that game looks rad. I do have to point out that its not that the games didn't look good enough especially with the roms and moding you can do to your playstation portable. No my main reason is i would feel dumb playing it.
I am never really loitering around or waiting for anything long enough to constitute the need for a portable machine to fill the lulling void of empty time. I don't even use my MP3 player anymore... I know sick right. This is the way it works. I am either in my car on the way to work or home or that odd random time when I get out of the house. If I am not in my car I am either at work (right now shhhh) or at home. I could never play a handheld at work because people would know how much I slack off. At least when I am on the computer I can pretend I am working and not actually playing Settlers of Catan online. (www.games.asobrain.com/) I mean How could I pretend I am designing an ad when I am hunched over poking the shit out of a DS and swearing.
Home is also out of the question too because I am already backed up on 360 games. Right now I am Playing Precipice of Darkness, GTA 4, Lego Star Wars (which i probably wont pick up again) and Condemned 2 Bloodshot. Which by the way is fucking amazing and makes me feel like I should have called in sick to work today just so I could play that survival horror all night and scare the bejesus out of myself. I mean No matter how could you tell me handheld gaming is its not 360 calibre.
Any way enough bitching about my hardluck life. Its time to breach a subject I have been trying to word right in my head for a while now. I feel like that character who practises that big speech in front of a mirror in a movie or after school special. Has anyone ever done that... really. I mean flexing your muscles and screaming like an idiot wrestler doesn't count because technically thats not really a speech... its a challenge. Back on subject the topic I am talking about is playing video games while pooping.
Yes I just said that.
I started playing this game on my cell phone at work on my twoskies. Its some block breaker game where you have to go through the levels and collect gifts and money to enter a tournament. One day at work I was trying to read the paper. Giant clumsy and full of stupid stories I don't give a shit about. Even though I work at the paper designing ads I never read it. I was frustrated and threw the paper down. Not finished my biznach I realized I could only stare at the door for so long so I took out the Cell phone and the rest is history.
Everyone know how uncomfortable it is to go to the "office" empty handed. Adversly we all know it is infinitely more uncomfortable to be the guy carying reading material to the bathroom. No one wants to be the guy who is "going to take a giant shit that could choke a horse thus necessatating a pocket novel to help him work through it." But hand held games are perfect they fit in your pocket.
plus its a good way to slack off at work I mean is anyone going to call you out for taking an extra 5 on the old clock. "Johnson that shit was 17 minutes instead of 12 what the fuck where you doing in there." Yeah pretty unlikely and if it is likely someone would say that to you. Quit your job. Thats fucking terrible a man should be able to "make business calls" in peace and not have to hurry to anyones stop clock. I mean if you push too hard you could prolapse your anus. So don't push hard settle down pull out some game and get comfortable. My block breaker between the two jobs has already wasted hours in the last 3 weeks alone. The best part is if you think about it your getting paid to play video games..... and shit.