I should have known. You dirty little bastards I gave you the benefit of the doubt with Turning point: Fall of Liberty and you burned me. You mother fuckers thats two strikes on my shitlist. Spark Unlimited how could you take two good ideas and make abysmal games out of them. First the alternative timeline history in the aforementioned game and now... well now you somehow managed to scew up a shooter where you fight werewolves. HOW DO YOU FUCK THAT UP. Werwolves + Guns = hot damn. Not anymore now it equals shit. Such a massive failing by the way that as a fan of werewolves I demand a written apology. Actually you know what I am in a good mood I will write the apology for you and you can just sign it.
Dear Dale,
We are complete idiots. We are sorry we tried to make a game. We are sorry you cannot continue to play our game because the controls are so unresponsive you think your controller is being beligerant with you. We are complete tools we took something as awesome as lycanthrope and made it lame. That in itself is a world record feat on our behalf. We have no dicks and we are extremely feminite and like dance dance revolution and people that dress as anime characters.
Yours shittily
Those fags that suck at games.
Alright, Alright I admit that might be a bit harsh. Maybe I jumped the suck gun and probably shouldn't have used the word fag. I mean really they don't like other people of the same sex just other games that suck. If Turning point and Legendary were attracted to each other they would be Homosuxuals. Ok Ok I am going to try to illicit some constructive criticism. Someone once told me about criticism sandwiches. This is where you start with a compliment then a criticism and then another compliment. The end result is the person gets to lie to themselves that they are not a complete failure at life because you said two nice things about them instead of just all bad shit. Lets put this theory to practice on Spark Unlimited.
Good - The music in your game is actually awesome. The mix of sirens and wailing screeling ambient guitar is a boner inducing soundtrack to shooting people.
Bad - It's just to bad that in order to shoot people you actually have to touch the controller and deal with your molases themed interface. Remember that commercial for arthritis where the old ladies knitting needles are covered in barbwire because it hurts so much for her to knit cause her hands are old and all seized up. Well thats what my controller is when I play legendary. It hurts me. It hurts my whole body trying to move the aimer thinger jinger onto your ugly monsters is harder than doing pushups.
Good - Your game is good I guess because it's so much work to actually control that little fat kids everywhere will loose weight.
See that was one complete criticism sandwhich. I feel better because I got my feelings out and now those no minds over at Spark Unlimited can feel a touch more than useless tools. Lets do another
Good - Theres werewolves in your game
Bad - These werewolves are fucking ugly and stupid looking. The look like that Sumatran rat monkey think from Dead Alive. 
I'm not even going to tell you which is which. You will just have to figure it out if you can. Actually every character in this game is fucking ugly. The humans are all wierd proportioned and move dumb. The other bad guys are simple and look like they are shiny. Maybe get a new renderer.
Good - Did I mention the music was good
Alright thats the end of criticism sandwhich time because I can't think of anything else to good to say about this game. Its a flying lump of turd. If you are hellbent on playing this game though I encourage you too. It will be like when baseball players are on deck and swinging a bat around with a weight on it so its harder than a regular bat and then when they step up to the plate they have more control over their swing. Play this game and then play a real shooter and you will probably be better at it.
Legendary suck
Darksiders
Ok i know we are used to being pretty critical of games until we have done some investigating. I mean we never want to get caught up in hype and expectations because it usually just ends in broken dreams and tears. So this is especially bad because it goes against my better judgement. I didn't learn my lesson from how good Asassin's Creed looked and how shitty it delivered apparently because I am telling you that I will be buying one game based on a trailer. The Darksiders trailer from E3 is the best trailer I have ever seen for a video game. I know its most likely not gameplay and its just a cgi or fmv or whatever its called when shit looks really good but then the game turns out it isn't. I will be buying Darksiders: Wrath of War because of this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phe2x4CytYE&feature=related
I mean (insert every known curseword) seriously I have never been so jacked at anything in my entire life as this game.
Once when I was 8 years old charlie and the chocolate factory (the old one) was going to be on TV and me and my brother went fucking metal and were running around the house screaming like girls. I knocked over a vase full of dirty plant water in my fervor and was sternly told that I would no longer be allowed to watch the show because I had misbehaved. I cried harder than anything even my sister pleaded with my parents to let me watch Charlie and the Chocolate factory because even though I was so bad this was such a monument of delight to hold it from me would be an act of cruelty.
I want to play this game now more than I wanted to watch Charlie and the Chocolate factory when I was 8.
Side note even though i have a hard on for anything Gene Wilder and his comic genius Johnny depp was such a good wonka it gives me body lightning.
